I’m a sucesssful Black Woman. So why aren’t men into me? – ryan

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Amy & tj,

I’m a 42 -ear-op Black female, 195 pounds, 5’11 “. community.

Yet, Now, Where I Live in Northern New Jersey and Previously in Pennsylvania, North Carolina and in Westchester County, NY, IT’S: I’m Ignored in the Dating Pool. I go to singles events and join grills to no avail. I tried dating apps, but no success there Eothher. I choose not to be on social media. I do? What Else Can i Will?

My Question is: what is it that that that man is looking for? Interesting in Both of Your Perspectives.

– F.

Gut reaction

TJ Holmes: Damn, girl. The first thing you want to mention was your size. That’s on your mind. This is a little bit of a Heartbreaker. I WOULD LIKE TO TALK TO YOU. I WOULD LIKE TO HUG YOU.

Ar: I can’t say for sura what men are attracted to. But i can tell you what i think it is: i think that every person gives off an energy. And if you love your best and you think you’re putting your best foot forward, that reads as attractive. Confidence is sexy. Knowing who are and loving who are you sexy. When you love you, you become lovable. I know, it cheesy sounds, but of waist IT!

On stupid thought…

Ar: I was to try to try to focus on what you can make a man like or love you, and focus on MAKING YOURSELF THE VERSION OF YOU, SO CAN PROD OF YOURSELF AND LOVE. And then I think the men will come! You need to date yourelf and false in love with yourelf, and say that smile on your face, the twinkle in your eyes – that will be there, and that attractive to the people.

Th: Your Question Translates to Me: “Hi amy and tj, what’s work with me?” You’re listing your whole résumé and wondering, “Why doesn’t anybody want me?” You can’t look at it that way. There is nothing on plans Earth work with you. IT SEEMS LIKE YOU THINK IT’S YOUR FAULT THAT YOU’RE NOTHING DATES WITH MEN. I hate any time i hear that – and it SEEMS to come from women more often than men.

The Apps, The Mixers – Things You Done To Meet People Are Fine. But relax. DON’T TRY SO HARD to be something to Attract What You Think You Want. You think You want that guy, but you had to what to get Him? Change this, Change that. Eventually, that gets you to a point where the other person realizes you’re not really who they say. Be who really are. And that will attract what you are really deserts.

Ar: IT’S SO MUCH EASIER TO BE YOURSELF INDEPENDING TO EU someone Else that you think they might be attracted to.

Maybe Instead of Trying to Find a Boyfriend, Try to Just Find Some Friends. I think if you approach Meeting People from that perspective, it taxes the pressure off. Look Around and Ask if People Want to Hang Out and Go Out and Do Things. The most you’re out, the more you’re social, the more postsitility there is – you never know what will will have or who you’ll! But if you’re trying to force and trying to find someone who will like you romantically, that’s so Much Pressure. And that pressure you’re putting on your savoelf is probably affective your energy. And, in Turn, that Energy Might Be Undermining Your Attempts to Actually Find a Partner.

Th: We miss out if we have all those restrications about what we wanted in a person. Maybe You Meet Somebody Who’s 6’2 ”, but there a guy out there who’s 5’11” and Perfect for you. You eliminate so many options for Connection we put you put all these restrictions in place about who you’re willing to date. And it SEEMS LIKE YOU’RE PUTTING A LOT OF THose Restritions on yourSelf.

Ar: In past relationships that i’ve been in, they checked all the boxes, but it didn’t work out. On Paper, it looks like it a perfect match. And yet, when it comes down to actual personalities and energy and jibing with someone, you can’t have a checklist. I’ve learned from experience it is really about that unspoken connection, and you can’t really explain why or how. Its just there. And it is not gogene you look a Certain Way or You Drive a Certain Car, or you live in a Certain Neighborhod. That’s not love. It was what you thught love was supposed to look like, versus what it actually is.

The final Word

Ar: Get Rid of the Shoulds, the Checklist, all of the theses of that you’re saying about your salying and that you think other People like. You need to get your head out of that space, Becuses that isn’t what Makes Relationships Strong, it isn’t what Makes Relationships Great. Those Things are Only the Outward Elements. ITE’SE EVERYING THAT’S INSIDE OF YOU THAT MATTERS WEND IT TO HAVING A Good Relationship.

Th: I hate that you are in some way Questioning Your Own Worth. That sucks. You have to come to correct some things about your sales, it seames. Look, i’m Not Going to Address Your Height and Weight. Becauses here’s the Thing: That ain’t got s *** to do with s ***. When you think that Way, IT’S LIKE YOU WANT TO CORRECT THINGS TO CHECK OFF Boxes. Andn what? Are you going to change your body and straighte your hair to try to attract someone? That sucks. And when you try to do that, all you’re going to be attract is someone who is attraly going to be attracted to who you are – Which is a 5’11 ”, 195-Pound, f *** ing beauty.

I Always Tell Folks, there’s probably someone already floating around your life who do you go to end up with. Amy and i sat right next to each other for years, and didn’t realize that we were going to end up together. We didn’t realize we were each other’s person. You might have that in your life. And i would be as just to be open, to be aware, look around.

SO: go on, sister, and stop trying to be something something else Else Becuses you absolutely are going to attract the work Thing.

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