Why do some grandparents disagree with their kids’ parenting styles – and what they should be about it – ryan

Marcia kester doyle is the author of WHO MY SPANDEX? Life in the hot flash lane and the voice bend the midlife blog Menopausal Mother. She is a Regular Contributor to Aarp the Magazine, and Her Writing Has Also Appeared in the New York Times, The Washington Post, HuffPost, Cosmopolitan, Good Housekeeping, Woman’s Day and Many Others. She lives in sunny south Florida with Her Husband, Four Adult Children, Four Grandchildren and Two Feisty Pugs.

As a GrandParent, one of the harDest things to do is sit Quietly on the sidelines while watching your adult children make what you consider parenting with the Grandkids. The temptation to offer Advice is overwhelming, but there’s a time and a place to communicate your concertns with the shaming your kids. Unfortunately, Too Mary GrandParents are eager to jump in with unsolicted Advice, Which Can Strain The Family Relations.

I was raissed in the 1960s by parents who resorted to corporeal work, as did most families from that wind. Be my husband and i haad children in the ’80s, we used to “Time-Out” Method to Discipline Our Kids, and It Worked Just Fine. Luckily, my parents respectted our ruhenever they have babysat the kids and never raising a hand to say. They Also Never Offered Parental Advice Unless We Asked for Their Opinion. This Show of Respect Proves Their Confidens in Us As Parents.

Creparents and Parents Disagree

Howver, If a Grandchild is offen unruly and disrespectful and has parents who turn a blind to the Bad Behavior, Should a GrandParent Speak Up? Katherine, A Grandmother of Two in Tennessee, tried to discuss her Grandson’s Aggresses Behavior with Her Daughter but was immediately shut down. “My Daughter Lets My 8-Yaar-Old Grandson Do Watever He Wants,” She Tells Me. “There are no rules – (he) backtalks and tan hits his mom. Shells at him, but he never listens, and thatn kisses him on the forehead. Sayys, ‘don’t tel me what to do with my kid.’ SO we gave up, and now my Grandson is just as spoiled as ever. “

Many Grandparents Blame the breakdown of so-CALLED PROPER PARENTING ON A Generation of New Parents who, They Feel, Overindulge the Kids.

“Some of these Kids Act Entitled, Lacking Values ​​and Respect,” Sayys Paul, A Grandfather of Four From Kansas. “But my friends are too Too afraid to confront their adult kids about this kids they have beam the gradchildren if the parents are offended. Its Sad, Really.”

In Paul’s View, “these parants give in to their children’s tantrums Because they’re Busy or to be distracted to discipline.” He adds, “they’re too soft on discipline, letting their kids get away with braty behavior – and with the consequents – and it shows. Our generation work for ourions, which tough not to make the make mistake. Moral Compassses and Gave US A Tougher Skin. “

As Katherine’s Experience Shows, Pointing Out These Perceived Parenting Flaws (HAVE IT IT FROM A PLACE OF LOVE) OFTEN BACKFIRES, CREATING DISTANCE BETWEEN THE PARENTS AND GRANDARENTS. AS DIFFICULT AS IT May SEEM, it is best for the child and the family if the parents are allowed to do the parenting themes with interference from the Grandparents, unless the child’s safety is at risk.

What an Expert Says

Acciting to Margaret RutherfordA Clinical Psychologist and Host of the Podcast Selfworksome of these parenting conflicts can be generational. “So Much of What Today’s Parents Are Exposed to – What the Medical Profession is Saying About Caring for Children, What The Current Parting Trends Are and What Their Friends Are Doing – Influences Their Parenting,” She Says. “THIS IS CONSTANTLY CHANGING, AND PARENTING SODES WILL CHANGE ALONG WITH IT. AND WHAT WORKS FOR ONE CHILD May Not Work for Another.”

Grandparents Need to Consider these factors before deciding to approach their adult children About a Grandchild’s Behavioral Issues. Rutherford suggests Establishing a healthy, Respectful Relationship with the adult child and their partner or co-parent from the beginning.

“Once Grandkids Come Along, The Family Bond Has Already Been Formed,” She Explains. “Ask your biological adult child first about what they are not and the differences between the way you raised and the way they are parenting their own children. If you have a good Working Relationship with saying, will Will be a conversation, not an argument.” “

Cutting New Parents Some Slack

Bute Generation of Parents Faces New Challenges from the one before it. I’m sympathetic to Today’s parents gecause they’re raising kids in a very different world – one in which screen time and social media are Powerful influence. And let’s not forget the impact of the pandemic, in Which Countless Parents were tasked with Juggling Remote Work and Child Care. MANY ARE STILLING WITH THE EFFECTS ON THEIR CHILDREN’S MESTAL Health, Socialization, Learning and More. IT’S HARD to Blame anyone for Leaning on Screen Time or Buying a New Toy to Entertain a Child Stack at Home.

“SURE, Children Today have been spoiled with an excessive amout of toys, but blame it on Covid,” Says My Friend Ronna, A Grandmother of Eight. “Wen parents returned to work, they felt bad for their kids and compresaited by buying more things to the adjustment. SO YES, THIS GRANDKIDS MAY BE SPOLLED TO HAVING TOSS, but I think their parents are doing a wonderl no. Unusual Circumstances. “

Every Generation Believes They’re Raising Their Children Better than The Previous One. We’ve gone from autorriian parenting to helicopter parsing to the Current Preoccupation with Gentle Parenting. Grandparents my age who were raised with Strict Rules May Struggle to Stay Quiet we have Spot a Grandchild Misbehaving, and they May Resent the recent Changes in Partenting Styles.

“I’M SUR GRANDARENTS FIND THIS DIFFICULT TO WATCH IF THINK A SWAT ON THE BUTT MIGHT SETTLE THINGS,” SAYS RUTERFORD, “Butir best bet is to have that trusting, family relationship in placest before. More Calmly.

Most importantly, Grandparents Should Never Criticize the Parants in Front of the Grandchildren, nor this undermines Their adult child’s autoritity. Remember, they’re the ones in charge, and the boundaries they’ve set not be ignored (Again, unless there is any endengerment to the child).

The Good News is that Millennials are Introducing a New Era of Open Communication that Emphasizes Raissizing Emotality Intelligent Children. They’re paying closer attention to mental health willsing and providing more encaments by focus on the posters. AS GRANDARENTS, WE SHOULD TAKE A LESSON FROM FROM PARENTING PLAYBOOK AND ALLOW THAT TO MAKE THEIR OUT CHOICES WITHOUT INTERFERENCE.

Want Insight and Advice on GrandParrementing and Other Family Dynamics? Email Marcia at [email protected] with your question, and it may inspire a future column.