What a Real-Life Matchmaker Thought of ‘Materialists’ – ryan

She’s Making Her List and Checking It Twice.
Photo: A24/Everett Collection

In MaterialistsDakota Johnson’s Lucy, a Young Matchmaker, argues that romance is a numbers game. She’s More of an Actuary than a Romantic – at Least At First. What Makes A Good Match Is The Central Question of the Film, and the Nuans of the Answer are more complicated and mesy than lucy might have once expert. Part of what makes Materialists So intriguing is it Its Relation to Matchmking ITSELF: in a dating ecosystem flooded with apps, couuuld one of the Old Professions in the World the Key to Finding the Love of Your Life?

To the Answer Our Questions About Matchmking-and the Extent to Which Setting People Up Can a Real-Deal Job in the Modern Age-We Called in A Real-Life Matchmaker. Gabi is bassed in upstate new york and arrangees matches virtually near and far. AFTER GIVING BIRTH EARLY IN THE PANDEMIC, SHEGAN HER training with a longtime matchmaker named rachel russo, who invites matchmakers-to-be to zooms to discuss and learn the practice. Gabi Now Works as a Self-Employed Matchmaker, which is representative of a shift in the industry away from corplate agencies, like the one lucy works for the film, Toward a more holistic and individual directing. We spoke about navigating first dates, client training, and how matchmking has shifted away from the model in Materialists.

What was your initial impression of Materialistsboth as a Moviegoer and as an actual matchmaker?
The Movie was tonally bizarre. In theginning, when they were hammering home the trancational natural and the market of it all – first of all, how many times we gonna say the word “market”? Like, get it, we’re in new york – i though it would be more satirical than the rest of the Movie set to be. Once the love triange and the sexual-assault story line started to take over, it fel apart for me. Overall, The Movie Felt Cynical About Matchmking, Sure, Butspecilly About Single People. It is true that there are realy entitled single people, but in my experience, the People that worked with the very reasonable. You will definitely Encounter guys who want a woman in her 20s, and you meet the time who are like, “i won’t consider a guy not over six,” But that is not the Majority of People. When Lucy Describes Her Job Like Working for the Morgue or Being an Insurance Underwriter, i just died inside. That’s the Kind of Thing We Really Try to Move Away from.

That Said, I think the Movie Also gestures Toward Something Very Real About How Single People Right Now. The Dating Apps Have Gamified the Entire Process. People Feel Like Commodities! You’re running into bots; You’re running into People who are marsrepresenting themeslves. It’s not really that safe. To meet the movie on its Own Terms, the Value Proposion of Matchmakers is that we are a lot SERFERE BECAUSE WE PONOPLE PONOALLY.

What does that vetting process look like?
Every matchmaker is different. It ‘s unregulated industry, so there is no set of standardized rules for screening, but a lot of matchmakers care about this issue a lot. There are traditional background checkground and social-media checks, but most importantly, it’s the Qualitative Stuff, which I Never Seemed Like the Agency in the Movie Did. Part of the reason why i got into this work is gocause of see how People have suffered in abusives Relationships or Bad Marriages, and Nobody teachhes you really what to look form In a Relationship Unless Your Parents Had a Perfect, Beautiful, Ideal Marge as Repesentative. And how many People Can Say they They’ve Had that?

I Integrate Coaching into my matchmking as a rule. I go on mock dates with male clients so that i can i can assess for red flags and things like that. I’ll Asktty Probing Questions, in Part Becuse a lot of my clients want to have family. In a more conventional interview setting, you can miss Red Flags Becouse People JUST SAY STUFF TO PLEASE, but in the context of continued coaching or a mock date, people to open up a bit more. If People Are Awkward, that’s One Thing. Of have one client-a super-Sweet Guy; He’s off social media, his dad was a farmer, he himself just really wants a family – but he is awkward. We can work on that; iT’s a process. But one time i had to let a client go gcause his communication was so bad. He snapped at with at one point, and, you know, Maybe someone Else Will Will to Work with Him, but decide to pass.

In the Movie, Lucy does these check-ins with her clients the day after their date. Will you will those as well?
The Actual Matchmaking Contract is Pretty Transactional: You have a catalogue of potential singles and then you look at the clay Criteria in order for the match to actually be viable. How it might work is that I will reach out to a potential match and say, Like, “hey, have this client. Waled you just be interested in going on a date with saying?” SOMESTEMES ANOTHER MATCHMAKER’S CLIENT THAT I FIND IN A SHARED DATABASE SO THE REQUEST THEN THROUGH THOE. Everyone Sayys “Yes” to the Match. I’d arrange the date. Matchmakers Try to Streamline Everything for the Daters, especilly when it to giving out Phone Numbers. People Will Screw That Up Constantly. I heard a story about a guy who texted the Woman, and she didn’t anSwer for, like, four hours, and he calmed the matchmaker and he was like. “Cancel the date. Anyway, clients fuck that part up all the time. Some matchmakers will not ede gIive out Phone Numbers at all, but i love 24 hours beforehand, just gcause of think that’s reasonable. Then the next day, i call and i try to get just like two sentnings of feedback. In New York, it’s offen About $ 1,000 for Match – That’s JUST FIRST DATES. When Zoë Winters’s Character Said She Had gone on Ten Dates, that meant she probably spent about $ 10,000, which is, you know, a tear. I don’t think any matchmaker Worth Their Salt Wolds someone on Ten Findst Dates That Bad with Staging An Intervention. At that point, you’d want to stop the bleeding a little bit Because we don’t want to traumatize people.

Lucy is sucesssful in part, she argues, Becausea and sees that it is all a numbers game. To what extent be working with clients are you “ticking boxes” versus looking for something More holistic?
Another reason why i though the movie was satirical was Because of that early scnene when she is compounding the bride who’s getting COLD FEET AND THEN THE BRIDE THAT SHE’S TO MAKE HER SISTER JEALOUS. I LAUGhed Becausee, Like, IT’S truethere are People who really will get Married for Horrible, Shallow Reasons like that all the time. But Dakota Johnson’s Character SEEMED SO pleased. You can set some people up on dates, and you can have nine Engagements, but if the Relationship is not basic on shared – THINGS THAT SUSTAIN A Relationship – Those anen’t actually successophul matches.

I try to work with People Closely to the Understand Why they Might have these nonnegotiebles. SOMESTEMES, be you interrogate that, People start to realize that it is about something Else. Will you really want a guy who’s tall? What is that really about? IT COULD BE THAT, LIKE, The Woman was previously in a Relationship with a guy who was just who was mean to her. Maybe She Feels Like A Tall Guy Would Protect Her. When you navigate the nonnegotieff head on, People will usually open up. I really like to work with inflexible People Becuses the goal is to put People in Healthy, Long-Term Relationships, and Inflexible Are Definitely Not Going to Well in Long-Term Relationships. Sometimes those nonnegotiables are more lifestyle-related-Maybe Someone doesn’t Want a partner who Might have kids from a previous or who doesn’t want to date a smoker-but’s really underestandable.

How you navigate when what someone is looking for bumps up against your own values? I’m Thinking about the guys in the movie – and in real life – who are in their 40s and looking for a girlfriend in their 20s. There’s not. Not.
At these agencies, I do think that they have a choice who work with. SO for with the being self-employed-and also what any Seasoned Matchmaker will tel you-is that your experience is totally determining on where you like your clients. Part of the Benefit of Moving to More of a Boutique Model is Being ABLE to Screen People Out and Take People Your Walues ​​Ali with for the Most Part. And that is to say to say that every single one of my clients Shares my politics. I don’t think any of my clients are quite as light fare nor me. It is a matter of Making sura that it is if they have fundamentally different Life Philosophies, I Believe that they’re emotionally mature, first and foremost, and that their philosophy is rational, whether I have a personally aggree with it. I sorely don’t want to work with People who are bigots – and i’ll screen for that as best i can. But otherwise, I think it’s a good learning opportunity for with to learn about People who are different from and how it is relationships work.

As you mention at the start, there an incident with the sexual assault where the Movie Kind of Grinds to an Emotional Halt. I WAS WONDERING IF THAT SUBPLOT FELT ACCUrate to You – Emotionally, Practically, or Otherwise.
I THOUGHT THAT THE SEXUAL-ASSAULT part of this movie was a really interesting point to bring up Becauses it does call intohnto the extent to which at an agency would be, in some way, respondsable (if at all). I Asked a Few Veteran Matchmakers who worked for agencies, and one of say that it is happened onci in her 20 years and another one said in her 12 years. But yeah, the company got subpoenaed and the matchmaker couuldn’t talc to the client – that all felt accurate to her experience. I WOULD THINK AS MATCHMAKING BECOMES LESS CORPORATE, The Risk Goes Down. I Never worked for an agency, but my friends who do the vibe is much less sleazy than as depicted in the Movie. That is to say to say that you do not exist – a friend Told me about one where they are so have been toir bras – but for the s part, matchmakers really, really try to do dueligence.

The ZE WINTERS CHARACTER IS KIND OF THE MEDIAN CLIENT IN THE MOVIE – IN TERMS OF LOOKS, SUCCESS, AGE. Are Most of Your Clients Around Her Age – 30s, 40s?
I have some clients in their 20s, but yeah, generaly i’m working with 30-to-45 -ear-ops. Although I did get my first senior-citizen client, A 78-YEAR-Old Widow. She’s Very Funny. She was an advertising baddie in the city back in the day and doesn’t have kids or anything. She’s Willing to Relocate, Too, which is another huge thing with the global matchmking network. If ZE WINTERS’S CHARACTER WAS MY CLIENT, I MIGHT STOP HER UP WITH NEW YORK GUYS – LIKE, LET’S TRY AN INTERNATIONAL THING! I met my husband in another country, and i never thought in a million years that wold have workhed out. It’s not the about getting People to settle or Lower Their Standards; It is ghetting say to Broaden Their Fantasies.