Marriage Is Falling In Love With the Same Person Twice (or More) – ryan

I’ve been with my husband for a long time. I know that’s subjective, but I would call celebrating a 12^th wedding anniversary quite a long time of being together. Something has shifted in all this time. To be completely honest, a lot of things have shifted— several times—in this time.

We’ve been close, been far, been aloof, been completely engrossed with each other, been completely engrossed with anything other than each other, been in love, secretly planned to run away from each other, missed each other, detested each other, laughed together, cried together, cried apart from each other, parented together, parented in ways completely opposite to each other, complimented each other, complemented each other, filled up the void left by the other, manipulated the other, supported each other beyond what’s imaginable, held each other, been there for each other.

What’s astonished me after all this time is the fact that I have been in different stages of love with him throughout. People say you fall out of love eventually, or your partner becomes your habit, or worst case, you fall in love with someone else! But in my case, what I heard once, now seems completely true. You fall in love with the same person twice, once when it’s new—the sensational, bone-tingling, butterflies in your stomach love, and the second time—when you’ve been through it all together, when you know it’s all worth it kind of love.

I did experience the head-over-heels type of love all those years back when I met him. This man, who stood a whole foot taller than me, spoke charmingly, his eyes sparkling—all of the novelty that comes with it. I guess it’s got to do with the age, the hormones, the lack of experience, the suspense, the chase, the unknown, the comfort, the companionship, the promise of the future that this tummy-rumbling feeling holds.

At times, in these 12 years, whenever the promise of the future has looked bleak, we have stuck together. I have seen his ugly side and must admit I have displayed much worse. I’ve looked out in the distance, prayed for a better tomorrow, but have never lost hope. That tomorrow has always been better.

I love what’s beyond the ugly, the disagreements, the fights, the loneliness, the hopelessness. These have always given rise to new hope, a new understanding of each other, a new level of acceptance, growth, and they have made me love and treasure what I have even more.

We’ve been through a lot together, and we have a lot more to go through. But I know I will travel this journey with love and hope. The future I foresee now looks different from what I had envisioned all those years ago. It’s different as it’s more real. It’s different as I’m different from what I was then, and he’s different from what he was then. We’ve changed from what we used to be together. It’s different as we have grown together and can see much more clearly what we can achieve together to make our lives even more beautiful tomorrow.

On any day in the future, I will always know it’s all been worth it, and if possible, I may fall in love with the same man for a third time around.