Woman Let a Friend Live with Her to Save Money — But He Keeps Spending – ryan

• A Redditor says she allowed a friend in “dire straits” to move in with her to save money
• The woman, who is a 45-year-old single mother and a full-time college student, faces a dilemma
• “He’s spending significantly more on takeout for himself than I’m spending to feed the whole household,” she writes. “I do feel like the premise of him being here is based on him saving money, which he’s clearly not doing.”

A 45-year-old woman is feeling conflicted about allowing her friend to live at her house while splurging money on takeout.

On Thursday, April 17, she penned a lengthy post on the Aita subredditexplaining that she let her 35-year-old friend move in after he lost his job and needed somewhere to stay while saving money to get back on his feet.

“He’d been laid off from his job (tech industry) ran out his severance package, and his unemployment was almost up,” the woman wrote. “His lease on his apartment was up at the end of the year, and he wouldn’t be able to afford to renew.”

“I offered to let him move into my office for $300 a month to cover his utility usage while he tried to get back on his feet,” she continued. “I also said that he’s welcome to eat dinner with us any time I cook (most nights) and anything else he wants to eat, I will get (…) the groceries if he Venmo’s me the cost.”

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After her friend moved in, he started working part-time jobs and doing gig work. “I feel like I made him a pretty solid offer, and ultimately, the goal was for him to live cheap and save his money, ” the woman said.

However, things didn’t go according to plan. She soon discovered that her friend was not making the most of this opportunity to save. Despite his reduced income, he’s been spending excessively on takeout.

“Instead of eating with the household, and contributing to groceries, he’s gotten into a habit of ordering (takeout) sometimes twice a day,” she said. “He’s spending significantly more on takeout for himself than I’m spending to feed the whole household.”

“I know he’s his own adult, and I don’t have the right to control how he spends his own money,” she continued. “But at the same time, I feel like I’m making sacrifices to provide him a home, and while I don’t expect anything extra in return for that, I do feel like the premise of him being here is based on him saving money, which he’s clearly not doing.”

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The woman vented that it’s been a “few weeks” since he last helped with chores, as he prefers to hide in his room with his dog.

She added it wasn’t until after he moved in that she found out he has a retirement fund (401k) that he’s “unwilling” to touch.

Torn on whether or not to confront her friend, she asked if it would be reasonable “if I told him to stop ordering takeout, and eat from the kitchen instead?”

Several responses to the post attempted to reassure the woman that she’s right to raise her concerns with her friend.

“While he may not be able to pay rent with the money he spends on (takeout), he absolutely could be saving money to move out,” one commenter wrote.

Another took a more blunt approach, saying “Meh.  When someone begs me for money or shelter because they are in dire straights. I am going to get up in their financial business. Don’t like it, don’t beg.”

A third chimed in, “Don’t tell him to stop ordering (takeout). Tell him you notice that he has a lot of disposable income now, and he needs to either move out or pay more rent.”

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“I don’t think you should try to manage his money for him,” another added. “However, you need to come up with a plan for how long you’re willing to let him stay under these conditions. Don’t just say ‘until he’s on his feet,’ because that may never happen, especially if he has no need to step up his game.”

Among the commenters was one person who told the woman to “stop treating him like your kid,” as he should be paying full rent.

They proposed a potential solution to the woman’s predicament, suggesting a course of action she could take to address the issue of her friend’s spending habits while living with her.

” ‘Hey, Friend, if you’re going to be staying here longer, we need to sign a rental agreement. Rent will be $xxx and utilities $xxx,’ ” they wrote. ” ‘Otherwise, you need to be gone by (date 2 weeks from now) because I need the rental income.’ (Say this even if you’re not planning on renting to someone – it’ll circumvent his argument for staying.)”

“You have gone above and beyond housing him for free (outside of utilities) for so long – he’s gotten too comfortable,” the commenter continued. “Do not let him sway you with his sob story – that’s nothing to do with you. Do not mention that the reason you’re doing this now is because of his eating habits. That is none of your business, but what is your business is that someone is mooching off of you and making you feel uncomfortable.”