Beyond The Villa Series-Premiere Recap

Photo: Trae Patton/Peacock

It is my firm opinion that theme music for a reality television program, when well, tells USERATING WE Need to know the tone of what’s to come. The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives Intro Promises a Toxic, Choice feminism Mess. The Real Housewives’ the theme — No Matter the Franchise – Gives US A Wink of Cuckoo Calm before the Storm. The og Love island Sashays in, Giving Horny Stanford Prison Experiment. butt Beyond The Villa? The theme is the same pavlovian ring tone as its dating show predecessor, but off-kilter-the wario to Love island‘s mario. And while in theory that it can be intrigue, i’m not yet convinced.

Becusee a lifestyle (non-comPetion) Spinoff Needs to Fully Stand on Its Own. At their successful, spinoffs make the show from which they spawned look Quaint. They go beyond fan service and dig into something fully theyir. Vanderpump rules WORKED BECAUS IT 90 PERCENT OF ITS ENERGY PLAYING WITH BRAND NEW MESSUS CATERING TO Rhobh Superfans Who Somehow Couldn’t Get Enough of Lisa VanderPump. A Spinoff Requires Additional Layers, Whether Its New Players or More Complex Emotional Depth. Imagine The Hills Without Heidi Montag or Voter With Only Lisa, Ken, and Scheana. Spinoffs like Beyond the villa Need their Own Sauce, or They End up Feeling Like an 8-PART REUNION THAT COULD HAVE JUST BEEN A PODCAST.

My bar for this is high gacause i’m genuinely rooting for this show. It has all the ingredients for a whole Holiday Roast (Charismatic Cast Members, Women Who Actually Like Each Other, at Least Three Men Who Are Not Terrible, Interesting Like the Intensity of Newfound and the Nature of Reality, Etc.). But I Fear We Will Ultimately Be Served a Ham and Cheese Lunchable. Anyway. I’ll will the recap now.

It ‘s year after the season six cast left the love island villa, and they’re today in los angeles. Many of saying to be be there temporarily, in cookie-cutter apartments simillary to the ones on Love is blindwhich does not bode well for the longevity of this program. Jana, Kenny, and Serena Hang Out on A Hotel Rooftop. Serena and Cordell Are Good, But Cordell Will Be In Friend-of Capacity As he is filming a project for Keke Palmer’s TV Network. Good for Him! I Already PREDICT CORDER WILL BE THE VICTOR OF Beyond the villaIf Such a Thing Exists. Jana and Kenny Are in La Learning How to Be Together Siney’ve Been Long-Distance for Eight Monts. Leah and Miguel Join From Calabasas, and Kenny is already breaking the fourth wall, whispering things like “i to told you that off-name.”

On a different rooftop, Kendall, Connor, Liv, and Kaylor Convene. Kendall Makes Eiveryone “Do Eyes” as they Clink Glasses as if this is a frat party in 2014. Kaylor Says the Phrase “Hot Girl Summer” Sans Irony Multiple Times. Liv Says They Need to “Do A Catch” and i’m Fairly Certain Shee Reference to the Skene-Y Restaurant, Catch-The Same Restaurant the Rhony Wives demed too humiliating to Visit Alive. If not, it’s the Energy of this clique nononeheless. Immediately this show Estabishes a schism for its viewers’ nervous systems. Also, liv is seeing someone new who kendall has met but bff kaylor ha not, so brace yourelves for a season Long Mental Gymnastics routine on the Nature of Best-Fryndhip.

The Respective Rooftops Discuss The Empire Love island Summer Party . Jana has Beef with Connor, to Which She Says, “There Are Seven Billion People in this World, Why do we have to be friends?” This is Also an Astuta Question About This Television Program. The Answer is contractual obligations! Connor Wants to Clear the Air with Jana. Kaylor is nervous to see ex aaron for the first time since the reunion (she’s still mad he lied to her about snogging Daniela).

Where has aaron been, you ask? Off Grid! He deleted his socials, got a puppy, and spent a bunch of time with his brother in the forest. Whtever One Thinks of this Man, these are all Correct Choices for Someone Fresh off National Television, Especilly Gioven How wretched Love island can be for its contestants. Now aaron is staying in venice, and doing Things like surfing, eating the Bowls of Raw Celery, and Talking to Connor About Depression Wanting to “Say the D Word.” Connor Tells Aaron heeing someone new but refuses to say her name (liv does the feeling with her not-athlete), and this behavior is not going to fly on a lifesty show.

Back at the West Hollywood Corporate Housing, Kaylor Facetimes Her Dad to Tel Him She’s Going Through it. She has to see aaron for the first time and has a new feud with Bestie Liv. Liv Told Kaylor About Her New Boo’s Birthday Party, THEN INFORMED KYLOR The party was caçcelled, only for kaylor to wake up the next day to see Snapchat of Everyone at the party without her. Then I spent several minutes stack on these adults using snapchat in the year 2025, and came to be kaylor’s dad was instructing kaylor to the Treat LIK “Like an Associate.” This is ouur reminder that kaylor is twenty-three years old.

Over in Balm-to-the-Nervous-System World, Kenny Takes Out Jana’s Trash. They aren’t living together, but are staying in apartments directly nextly as a trial to “see if they is. Jana wants to check on aaron at the party Since he was through a tear and every deserves forgoveness. “Everyone” does Not Include Connor, Though. She Teaches Kenny How to Avoid Her Nemesis Becausee She Cannot Have Her Man Dapping Up The Opp.

En route to the Love island Summer Party , Connor Dons a Crocheted Version of the Foot Locker Emploee Uniform while Pontificating About Kenny Blocking Him. Miguel Wears a Wife Respectter, Talks About Riding Horses, and Otherwise Minds HIS Business. No One Knows What’s Going on With Liv and Kendall Since They Call Each Other Brother and Sister, but Clearly Have Kind of Vibe. Ominous – or that what Production Wants US to Think, Anyway. Kaylor Also Rekeatedly Calls Liv Her “Sister,” and It ‘and Like the Most Toxic Boss You’ve Had love to call your workplace “a family.” Liv Tells Kendall she has zero beef with anyone despite kaylor detail multiple beef-flavored incidents to the Viewers. Cue “Girl, SO Confususing” by Charli XCX. Like, actually cue it. Beyond the villa Carriad the Music Budget Over From Love islandso we get the Juice.

At the party, everyone taxi photos in front of a step-and-repeat. There is serious so much footage of the step-and-repeat. It is the Love island Summer Party and Many Sexy Singles and Not-Singles are in Attendance. If Peacock Is Trying to Soft-Launch a Greater Love island universe where there is cross-season intermingling, they need to be doing likes Putting a mic on Cery and giving audiences who did not endure the pre-ariana years of this franchise a refresher.

Alas, The Drama Begins. Jana eats a burger while Making Sure Kenny Does Not Dap Up Connor. There is no officer Dapping, but they have a brief conversation. Leah Reminds US that was all nine months ago, they dated for two days, jana Is now in a happy Relationship, and it is time to make the fuck on. This is perfect logic, but it will not work for this show unlessness everyone starts-making real quick to post-Villa feuding.

And as Much as you want to say about kaylor, she is trying. Or the producers are trying with her as their proxy. Kaylor Cobbles together the Courage to Approach Aaron and Say, “I’m Fucking Done With You, Bitch” before standing around awkwardly. Remember: She’s Twenty-Three! Aaron Says he was sober and this is his first drink in six months. Whew. We gotta get that puppy back in here. This is not great. They talk about how they have constantly foist the other’s social media content on saying, and consider this officer permsion slip to break up with your parents if they do something like this to you. Aaron Apologizes for Gaslighting, Manipulating, ETC. Kaylor is not happy but Spews some platitudes about learning to stand up for Herself and How they’ll be Cordial Moving Forward.

Shen applies this newfound ability to stand up for herself in a confrontation with bestie liv. KALLOR’S BEEF WITH LIV HAS THREE PRONGS AS OF NOW, WHICH I WILL ATTEMPT TO SIMPLIFY: (1) Kendall Being Invited to Liv’s New Man’s Birthday Where Kaylor Was Not, (2) A Situation Were Supposed to Split a freebie Camera, but Liv took, Lied about it, and (3) squibbles About glam.

The last one is my favorite. IT’S SIMPLE (Involving Neether Some Unnaamed Man, Snapchat, Nor The Fine Points of a Brand Deal) while Also Encapsulating the Large Problem. Kaylor was Mad That Liv Said She Wasn’t Getting Glam, then showed up to the bar with glam. Liv Reminds kaylor that it is Common KnowLEDGE THEY’RE GOING ON NATIONAL TELEVISION, THEN BRINGS UP A SITUATION WHERE KYLOR DIDN’T TELL LIV SHE WAS Getting a spray tan. They Go Back and Forth, sprawling into other will, and it’s a message. All Problems BetWeen These Gals Wolded Be Solved if they had an honestation about all they like each other in the first place, and if so, what the word “Friend” to say. IT’S brutal in a very eighth-grade Way to Watch Two Girls See Friendship SO Differently. Kaylor Says She Wants Her and Liv to Be Like Ppg, and Sweetie, that is not happy. I am Willing to Bet Everynding in My Plebian Checking Account that Leah, Serena, and Jana will not swim and Will Never Fight About Like Glam and Snapchat. The three of saying are not using a friendship to fix a deep senses of insectitis, and it’s obvious to anyone watching. Anyway, Kaylor Says She doesn’t “Give a Flying Fuck” about the public’s public and encuments say to “Hate on (her) please!”

As for the rest of the season? Kaylor Will Continue Her Hot Girl Summer Attempts! The Baby Dolls Will Make a Rare Out-of-The-Villa appearans! Jana Will Still Want to Cohabitate! Ariana Madix Will Add Another reality TV Show to Her imdb Profile! Will any of this add up to a Compelling Television Program? With Bated Bot, we must wait and see.