Dave Portnoy Uncomfortable With Taylor Swift’s ‘Wood,’ Travis Kelce Penis Metaphors

Taylor Swift singing about Travis Kelce‘s “wand” is nothing magical to Dave Portnoy … ’cause the Barstool Sports founder and diehard Swiftie says he just can’t stomach a song dedicated to the Kansas City Chiefs superstar’s member.

Portnoy dropped his review of Swift’s new album “The Life of a Showgirl” Friday … saying “Honey,” “Eldest Daughter,” “Life of a Showgirl,” “The Fate of Ophelia” and “Opalite” were his favorite tunes.

Dave said his list comes with an asterisk. He enjoyed the song “Wood” on the first few spins … but once he learned Swift wasn’t actually crooning about trees, he had a hard time swallowing the tune.

“I’m not bobbing and weaving and jamming to a song about Travis’ d***,” he said.

“So, ‘Wood’ is out. Great beat, out.”

Nor for his overall thoughts, the 48-year-old doesn’t believe it’s an all-time album, and while he’s not sure if any of the tracks will turn out to be big hits … it’s still T-Swift at the end of the day.

He came in with huge expectations for her 12th studio album … saying back in August he believed it would be “my favorite album of all time!”

“I think it’s gonna be 12, not 11, 12 No. 1 hits!”

While it certainly ain’t a 12/12 project for Pres, it was still probably a nice way for the Massachusetts native to get over the Red Sox’s season ending Thursday night.

Portnoy’s fandom previously made it all the way to Swift herself… who penned him a thank you note for his support.