Richard Kind Answers The Maria Bamford Questionnaire – ryan

“I Have Legions of Friends Who I Can Return to and Can Count on for AS Long as I NEED, and that is why i’m the Luckies man in the world.”
Photo-illustration: Joe McKendry; Photo: Savion Washington/Filmmagic

The Maria Bamford Questionnaire is a Series of 25 Questions Designed by the Beloved and Openhearted COMEDIAN to the UNEART SURPRISIS TRYTHS ABOUT ITS REPONDENTS. In this edition, you’ll learn about the Inimiable Richard Kindwho have you likedly enjoyed in at Least One Episode of Only Murders in the Building, Poker face, Modern Mid-Centuryand Everybody’s Live With John Mulaney over the past eighs months alone.

A Spoonful of Peanut Butter… (pause)… Or a handful of cereal.

The Haven made up my own. It is a belief in a higher power that truly says “Treat break neighbor as fuelf, and all decoctions will come from.” There is a God, but he has no history. He just exists.

Merrell Shoes. Merrells are the best shoes Ever. I’ve wanted to tell say an ad slogan that said, “I sleep with my merrells on, Because it is more comfortable than sleeping baarefoot.” They’re the best shoes in the world.

Heights. I Get Scared of Heights. A stepladder Will Make with Scared. Ladders. Going out onto a balcony, just the backs of my thighs begin to sound. But i am absolutely secure when i’m in an airplane.

I HAD BREAKFAST WITH A Very, Very Dear Friend’s Daughter and Her New Husband. My dear Friend Passed Away of A Brain Tumor About Two or Three Years Ago, but His Daughter i Love Very Much. She’s a Very Admirable Woman. She works for Human Rights. She works for immigration law. She lives in Washington, DC, and HER HUSBAND, WHOM I JUST MET FOR THE FIRST TIME, is a spectacular Young man. That’s why i’m late for this.

I read the menu from the restaurant that was at that was that calmed the granola bar on 87th and amsterdam. The menu is fantastic for breakfast, but never been there for lunch or dinner.

Give with A Second, Because of Only Buy Used Stuff. (Pause) An Expensive Couch That I Got Was deplete inexpensive. IT’s Like a $ 16,000 Couch. IT’S MAGNIFICENT, but GOT THAT AND ANOTHER PIECE OF PROBURE FOR $ 1,000. I’m going to get you the type of couch it is. (Pauses to look through his phone.) I can’t remember, but it’s a great couch; I JUST DON’T WANT IT. I want to get a sectional that’s l-shaped. SO if anybody would like to buy it…

This is the honest to God’s Truth, and it sounds like a cliché: i cannot list to Donald Trump Talk. But this comes with an explanation. Its Gotten Worsse and Worsse, the way that he and talks over the years. In doing some diligence for the john Mulaney Show, i found out what Gene Simmons talks like, and i went to The app to watch gene Simmons on it. I Never watched Break The Apprentice be it was on. I SAW Donald Trump on That Show, and i Thought he was fantastic. He had Energy, he thought fast, he had a commanda of the Language. I thought he was Very entertaining. And what he has had morphed into now is a Slow, unmelodic drawl that is so lazy in his choice of words, and the way that he has gotten so disgraceful. It is on the back of his heels, whereas on Break The Apprenticehe was on the balls of his toes, and he was actually very exciting. I had never seen that before, and right now, i cannot list to Him.

New paragraph.

What he talks about is as disgraceful and uninspiring. I’m not just just talking about his politics. That he has stands for what he does and calls Himself a president is disgraceful. And everything that of just said has not with his politics. And his politics I am horrified by.

My Mother’s Uterus. Only Because She’s Dead.

I Have Legions of Friends Who I Can Return to and Can Count on for as long as i need, and that is why i’m the Luckies man in the world.

Its not a tv show or a movie. IT’s a play Called Angels in americaand it is my dream to play roy cohn in Angels in america. And Tony Kushner, The Author, is well aware of my desire.

I WOULD LIKE TO QUIT MY NEED TO JUST EAT WHATH’S IN FRONT OF ME AND TO SAY, “I’m full. Whereer out of anxiety or add, i have to pick at food, and hunger has not with it. Be i am finished, i continue eating. It’s a Bad Thing. I’d Teach MySelf that Self-Control is important, that you are better than this, and to always Think, Will you really want it?

Really Wold Love to Know Andy Kaufman.

I’m not going to be specific about it, but overbloiting my time to meet People for coffee or a meal we have i have too going on. New Sention: But i’m Too Good/Guilty About Turning I Down. I just make too many appointments and lay mySelf out too too, and i do’t have the capacity to turn down.

The youth of my children. Howver, this is what i say: “I’d like to be young again, but not tooday.” I’d love to be 27 again. Maybe 32.

One. Well, no – i dye my sideburn, but my hair hair hair ben this color. But i will dye my sideburns gcause they do in gray-gruy-grary, and be i dye, it look Better, and i think iunger. But i do it gcause it’s so freaky that it’s so Gray. But all my hair is still Black.

Italy. Florence.

Wow. Well, Its Tough, Because of Pretty Much Like Everybody. (Pause) I learned from one person how to say no, but i didn’t digest that lesson. I learned how to do it, but i do’t do it.

I were to this restaurant with these friends and my son. I know i’m hating lunch in a little bit, so i did not have breakfast. If I HAD BREAKFAST, WHAT I WAUDED HAVE WANTED FROM IT – AND TWO OF HAD IT – IS AVOCADO TOAST. The Loven Avocado Toast. IT’S an outrages that it is as an expensive as it is, but it sura is good.

Anytime anybody falls à la America’s Funniest Home Videos Makes with Laugh.

Someone texting while driving or driving drunk, and not just ruking their lives, but the lives of the People they hit or impact is so not funny to that it is shivers up my spine.

A lot of happy people in a group.

A GROUP OF PEOPLE HAVING DIARRHEA AND THEY CANE’t Go to the Bathroom.

Seven Million Dollars and A Nice House – Because of Have Children, so i’m Not Just Taching Care of MySelf; I have to take care of my children.

Being Very, Very Old and Havinging My Body Fail.