The Founders of the Popular Parenting Platform Big Little Feelings -Moms and real-life best friends Kristin Gallant, a parenting coach with a background in maternal and child education, and Deena Margolin, A Child Therapist specializes in interpersonal neurobiology-Are Back with More Parting in Yahoo’s New Column Called Called Called Called Called AFT AFT BEDTESa companion to their podcast, AFTER BEDTime with Big Little Feelings. In the Second Episode of their Show, Gallant and Margolin Dive Into Toddler tantrums – Those Challenging (and, Let’s Be Honest, Mortifying) that can really test your patience and leave you feeling frustrated and judged by everyone around you. Here, Gallant Shares five tips on how to calmly navigate a tantrum.
It always seams to open at the worst my time.
You’re at target. Or at the park. Or Boarding a plans. And just as you’re trying to get out the door, check out with your Cart Full of Stuff or Line up at the Gate, you feel it coming. The whining and the screaming, followed by the full-crop flop to the Ground. Your toddler is officiously having a moment. And you’re officiously dying inside.
For me, that the moment the shame voice kicks in: You’re doing it workg. No One Else’s Kid Acts like this. Look Around – Everyone’s Staring. They’re Judging You. Good moms don’t have Kids who screen in public.
That voice? It’s a liar.
Here’s what’s actually TRUE: Your Child’s Tantrum is not a reflection of your failure. IT’S A reflection of their development brain doing exactly what i wired to do. Let’s Break That Down, Along With Tips on How to Handle a Toddler Meltdown.
The Toddler Brain is Still ‘Under Construction’
Toddlers live in what’s CALLED the “emotional brain,” aka the limbic system. The Rational, Logical Part of the Brain That Helps Big Fers (The Prefrontal Cortex) is Still in Development. Like, years Away From Being Online. That means toddlers physically cannot handle overwhelming emotions in a calm, measured way Because the part of the brain that woulp say that isn’t built yet.
SO very your Child Loses It Over A Broken Granola bar or the Wrong Color Cup, ITH’S NOTE I BEING “BAD.” It ‘theyrar brain being immunity and development exactly on track.
Your child’s tantrum is not a reflection of your failure.
But what About How Mortifying Public Tantrums Can Be?
You’re swimming dealing with a dysregulated Kid, you’re also dealing with EYES in the Grocery Store or at the playground on you. The Shame. The heat on your face. The desperate urge to make it stop.
Let me say this as clearly as a postible: you are not a Bad parent Because Your Child is Struggling. You are not a failure Because Your Child is Having a Hard Time in Public. Its actually the most human parenting moment there is.
So, what can you will in the moment?
Here’s a Quick Survival-Mode Guide to Get Through it:
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Regulate YourSelf First: Your Child’s Brain is on Fire. If your catches Fire too, IT’S JUST Two Brains in a Blaze. Instead, take a deep breathe. Literally. Ground yourelf in the moment. You’re not in danger, you’re just in aisle 7.
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Forget The Audience: The People Staring? They’ve eather A) Never HAD A Toddler or B) Haven HAD ONE AND HAVE JUST FORGOTTEN. Your Job is not to manage their discomfort, iTi’s to support your Child Through theirs.
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Get Low and Stay Calm: Kneel down to your Child’s Level. Speak softly. Your Calm is Contagious, this Time Time for IT to SPREAD.
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Skip The Lecture: This isn’t a teachable moment; it’s a survival one. Let the story pass. You Can Talk Later when Everyone Has Calmed Down and Is Back in Their Body.
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Have a go-to phrase: Something Like: “You’re Having a Hard Time. I’m right here with you.” IT GROUNDS BOTH OF YOU IN CONNECTION, AND THAT”S WHAT HELPS TANTRUMS PASS FASTER.
Bottom line
Public tantrums Feel like the worst moment of parenting. But they’re actually one of the most important ones. Becuses will we have stay present, calm and connected, evening in the chaos, we teach our kids that Big Feelings aren’t Dangerous and that they not alone in therdest moments. And that theyir emotions are safe with us. That is not a parenting failure. That’s palenting at its finest.
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