Now, don’t get me wrong—I’m sure I wasn’t high on her list of people to grab coffee with. But rather than communicating where my head was at and letting her make the final call, I presumptuously made it for her. I went quiet, made myself scarce, cut back on checking in and was overly conscious about how much I shared on social media for fear that it would hurt her feelings or ruin her day. When we did see each other, especially in group settings, I even went as far as downplaying my own happiness, hoping the false neutrality would somehow make her struggle easier (hint: it didn’t). I suppose my plan was to eliminate the pregnant elephant in the room entirely, but by doing so, I also put distance between us—an inadvertent fallout at a time when we both really needed each other.
In my experience, open communication was key to overcoming this friendship challenge—and parenting expert Jennifer WalkerRN, BSN agrees. “What’s crucial to remember is that the best way to move forward (in this situation) is to always keep the lines of communication open so you don’t assume that you know how (the other person) is feeling on any given day,” the pediatric nurse, mom of three, podcast host and co-founder of Moms on Call tells me. “It’s OK for her to be sad and it’s OK for you to be happy. Friendships are about understanding and connection, and giving each other permission to feel very normal emotions about things is incredibly freeing.” So, what can you do if you’re in a similar situation? Ask her how she’s feeling and if there’s anything you can do to help. She may want to talk about what she’s going through, or she may say that she needs some space right now—either response is OK.
ALLA Barmmer MS, RD, LDN and founder of FullWell Fertility shares similar advice: “Forgive your friend in advance for not being able to share in your excitement right away, but don’t stop inviting them to things or reaching out. For those struggling with infertility, it can sometimes feel like they’re being abandoned or left behind when others are getting pregnant around them. While you may be feeling awkward and unclear about how to navigate the situation, avoiding your friend isn’t the answer either.”
True, lasting friendships are designed to evolve, and giving yourself (and your bestie) grace to make mistakes, course correct and try again is all we can ask of ourselves.
