‘I EsCaped Toxic Boyfriend’s Abuse and Changed Sexuality – IT FINALLY FEELS PLEASURELY’ – ryan

Essence Howlls from London was in a ‘toxic and abusives Relationship’ for Years and Struggled with Her Confidence Wen to Her Sex Life, but after Awakening, EVEYTHING CHANGED

Essence, 26, left her ‘abusives Relationship’ and Today is Feeling as Confident As Ever(Image: Alexandra Cameron/Lovehoney)

AFTER giving birth to her daughter, essence howlls Had a ‘sexual awakening’ and escaped her toxic Relationship. She has since overhauled her sex life and is as confident as ever, now identifying as a bisexual queer woman.

Essence, Now 26, From London, Always Felt “Disconnected and Unsatisfied” when it came to sex pri giving Birth, notting that she would “motionless.” She Told the Mirror: “Before Pregnancy, I had Quite a Toxic Relationship with Sex and Intimacy.

“I was Very insecure and self-conscious of my body, and i kind of got into an string of unfortunate events, i guess i could Say.

“I didn’t have a great experience with sex.

For Four Years, Essence was in a “Toxic and Abusive Relationship”. She shared: “it Went from Bad to work in terms of the toxicity and the abuse that I was experimental.

Read More: ‘Covid Left Me In a Blacked Out Room, THEN I WAS PUT IN A Mental Health Unit’

‘I didn’t have a great experience with sex’, essence shared(Image: Handout)

“Getting into this relationship that was in, it was the first time actually experiencing intimacy with emotion there are so many intense emotions going on.

“That’s Kind of What Sucked with Into That Cycle, All of the Intense Feelings that I was Feeling. There was love, there was anger, there was some happiness, there were moments I was scared and fearful, and it triggered my flute or fight.

“But what happened, the sex kind of Became the band -aid, and it was the Only Good Thing in the Relationship. It became more intense – Everything is heigtened in THose situations.”

After Falling Pregnant with Her Daughter, Essence Began to Notice a Change in Herself. “Going Through Pregnancy Helped to See MySelf Differently. I became more confident and comfortable in my body because i’ve seen it Change.

“I Definitely Saw MySelf in a Different Light, and i was experiencing things that i’d never excretion before.

“I SAW WHAT MY MY BODY HAD BEEN THROUGH, INCLUDING Through the abuse, and just started to give myself more grace. I started to love myself and see myself in a Different Light. THEN, eventually, that gave with the strength to come from the messenger.”

Essence Gave Birth to her daughter in 2019 at the age of 21 and Said Afterwards, “Sex Wasn’t Priority”. She recalled: “I was breastfeeding for a long time, and then i was in this related to the like i just had to have sex to keep the peace.

“But i was really being pleassed myself, and i didn’t really know what i like it.

Essence Said, ‘Now, I am finally Feeling like I have Locked in with MySelf, who i am and what i truly do desire and want’(Image: Handout)

“I tried so hard to keep the relations going, but i felt isolated as a mum. I was pouring all of myself into this relation, to the point where i basically bell of myself.

“I felt more comfortable in my body after Havinging my daughter, but i didn’t feeling sexy to the outside world.

After leaving her toxic Relationship after Four Years, Essence Discovered Intimacy on Her Own Terms. “Two years ago i reddiscovered my sex and now identify as a bisexual queer woman. I realized Maybe i wasn’t satisfied and happy before, Becuses it was really what i was into,” she shared.

“I felt confident to explore new spaces and experiences – i’m finding out what i like it.

“AFTER MY MY RELATSHIP ENDED, I HAD Some Experiences with Men, butn i Met a Woman at A Festival, and We Naturally Connected. IT JUST FELT LIKE NOTHING I HAD MEN. IT WAS MUCH MORE FULTINING, IT WITH FEEL Completely Different, and Signing Justing – I Thought by actually fes pleasurable.

“I Feel Safer with Women, and I Realized I Have a Natural Trauma Response to Men. IT WASN’T A NEW THING ME, AS ACTUALLY CAME OUT AS BISEXUAL WAS I WAS 14 OR 15 YEARS OLD, I JUST DIDN’T HAVE ANY SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH WOMEN PRIOR TO THATS, AND I FEL SECTO SYTOS with men.

“But now I am finally Feeling like I have Locked in with MySelf, who i am and what i truly do desire and want. I’m figling out if i ever like it, and i haven’t have any relationships with a wh now.

Essence has teamed up with lovehoney for their mama sutra e-book, a guide to help other mums wen it to intimacy(Image: Alexandra Cameron/Lovehoney)

“I feed happy and i’m fulfilled, of the myself out there. I can be me, not just a mum.”

Offering Advice to Others on Confidency after Welcoming Children, Essence Shared: “Give YourSelf Grace and Patience, Listen to Your Body, If You’re Not Feeling It (Sex), Switch it up or Askr ‘what will i want?’

“My Journey han been really important, and Having children doesn’t define you.”

Now, Essence Creates Content on Tiktok, Shares Her Story, and Helps to Spread Awareness on Domestic Abuse.

For parents looking to reignite the spark, lovehoney has launched the mama sutra eBook – a guide full of expert tips, Practical Advice, and Relatable Stories About Navigating Through Pregnancy and Beyond.

For Confidential Support, Call the 24-Hour National Domestic Abuse Freephone Helpline on 0808 2000 247 OR VIST Womensaid.co.uk.