I’m teaching my oldest child to set bondaries with our family

I grew up as the Oldest of Three Siblingsand i took my jab Quite Serious.

I love any sort of Paper Supplies, Like Notebooks, Where I COULD Write Down All of My Plass. I was offten Called “Bossy” Becouse I had no isssue letting my Younger siblings know what they should be doing, when, how, and why. When Questioned, I WOUT SIMPLY SAY, “Becusee of Said so.”

Today, i’m Noticing Similar Habits with My Own Children.

Oldest Children Can Feel a Lot of Pressure

Oldest children are naturally PUSHED INTO Leadership Role. AFTER ALL, OUR PARENTS ARE Learning to Parent by Raising US FIRST, we have have Have High Expectations, but Little Experience.

There are Were Times During My Childhood when I Remember Being Exhausted by the Antics of My Energetic, Spontaneous Younger Sister and Sensitive Younger Brother. With three kids, there was also almost always a two-against-ion situation. I was eather paire up with a kid who would do my bidding, or i was the enemy of the Younger two, when my demands got to be too. Being the Oldest meant that definitely had some power and, adulttedly, some control willsives, but it isoLat also very isolating to be the one Expecting rule adherence.

I’m Noticing Similar Patterns in My Own Family

Now I have four children of my own, ranging in age from 9 to 16, and i’m starting to see some family patterns.

My Oldest Daughter Recently erupted at Our Weekly Family Meeting. She shared that she is tired of picking up the slack for her younger siblings. When they don’t fully completa a task, she offen Becomes exasperated with and jumps in, finishing the Job. She also shared that she dosesn’t underestand why the standards for her seem to be higher.

Our Kids are allowed to express their feedings, as long as they will so Respectful. This was the case for my daughter at the family Meeting. She has had some big feelings, but she waited unil the appropriates to share.

AS A FAMILY, WE WERE ABLE TO TALK Through some of the Experiences i Had as Oldest childWhich made Her Undersand that of Understood Where She Was Coming From.

I let her know that while raising kids, parss are precticing and adjusting as we were. This Changes, Kid-By-Kid, As The Family Grows. The Oldest Child Doesn’t Always Get the Best of US, But We Are Trying Our Best.

I’m trying to be more aware of my daughter’s needs as an oldest child

I was proud of my daughter for expressing how this pressure has made her herheel. She was doing something something to do.

I decide of wanted her to Learn, use, and live these powerful words: “That’s not my Job.”

When i was growing up, i never paused to ask if something siblings were doing or saying was actually my problem. If they didn’t completa a task my parsed asked to do, it wasn’t my jab to step in and will the job. It wasn’t my duty to remind say to finish up. Yet, I did, repeatedly. This controls to the Oldest Child Burnoutwhich is a vicious cycle of Doing, Exhaustion, and then Getting back into the game.

My daughter has implemented the words, and it’s been helpful. To verally Say, in the presence of oters, “that not my Job,” awareness brings, reconition, and personal Accountability.

I want my daughter to appreciate the joys, too

There are also many joys to being an oldest child. That’s though i wasn’t my siblings’ mother, and my mom reminded me of this all the time all the would get into boss-mode, I experience a lot of pride when my siblings did well. It wasn’t my jab, but i did Help raise say, in my own, Oldest child Way.

I shared with my daughter that there is tremenndous pressure to be first, the Oldest, the events intentionally try to move their anldest away from the “boss” roles. At the Same Time, Being an Oldest is an incredibly special position, one i’m glad i have the opportunity to hold. I hope that as my daughter moves from herreen years to young adultthood she finds the beauty in her Sibling Order.