‘I’m a Diagnosed Narcissist—I’m Sick of People Like Me Being Vilified’ – ryan

“I don’t think narcissists are necessarily better or worse people—it’s just more complicated than most people realize,” said Jacob Skidmore, a young man who shares what it is like living with the personality disorder online.

The term “narcissism” is often thrown around casually. Skidmore, who was diagnosed three years ago, told Newsweek that the motives portrayed in media don’t align with his reality.

While he does possess narcissistic traits—such as a craving for admiration, lack of empathy, and a carefully constructed façade—Skidmore emphasized that the representation of the mental health illness isn’t always what it seems. This inspired him to set up his social media accounts, @thenamelessnarcissistto try and break the stigma.

The 25-year-old told Newsweek: “When I was diagnosed, I began researching the disorder and would almost always come across articles which got the behaviors right, but the motivations were always off.

“A big example is this idea people have about how narcissists supposedly ‘target’ their victims. That narrative has never applied to me. It left me feeling frustrated and misunderstood.

“Don’t get me wrong—I do rely on external validation to keep myself going—but I’ve never intentionally sought someone out just to trap them in a relationship, so they’d admire me. Honestly, relationships usually feel like too much work. People expect too much from me, and I just want to do my own thing.”

Struggles With Intimacy

During a Zoom interview with NewsweekSkidmore, from Ohio, opened up about the problems the disorder has caused in his life. He highlighted how relationships are “too much work,” and he often finds himself distancing himself from romantic partners.

“Vulnerability often feels threatening to me, or I start feeling smothered—like I’m losing my sense of autonomy,” he said.

With that being said, he admits the psychological profile portrayed in the media “feeds” his grandiosity.

“I kind of want to be like, yes, that’s true. But something I have to really tell myself especially recently is manipulation isn’t hard for anybody. It’s the willingness to be manipulative that makes a difference, right?” he said.

According to the American Psychiatric Association, the mental health condition affects about 1 to 2 percent of the U.S. population.

His Earliest Memories

At around 10 years old, Skidmore recalls being at a funeral and wondering why everyone was so upset. He concluded that they felt like they had to cry or were doing it for attention. During the ride home, he considered that he may be different.

Throughout his teen years, he “always found a reason to be angry” and often thought he was above others. At 16, his first therapist mentioned the word “narcissist,” but he didn’t get an official diagnosis until his fourth therapist, who he saw from ages 19 to 22.

“Here’s the thing: when you have this condition, it does cause a lot of issues in your life. I’ve suffered a lot because of it. And during one of the lowest points in my life, after I was diagnosed, I started going online to try to understand my condition better,” he said.

However, he was never able to fully resonate with the articles he read online.

Today, he has over 233,000 followers and frequently shares clips highlighting signs and symptoms of a narcissist.

‘A Big Misconception’

According to Psychology Today, narcissists are drawn to the following personality traits:

• Feeling responsible for others
• Denying or sacrificing their own emotional needs
• Highly empathetic
• A complex self-esteem
• Prone to guilt
• Promoting the image they want to project

When asked about the kind of romantic partner he looks for, Skidmore explained: “I think there’s a big misconception a lot of people have.

“I can feel threatened by people I perceive as superior. But here’s the thing: if I’m dating someone I consider ‘lesser’ than me, what does that say about me? It implies that I’m on their level too. Other people might look at us and think, ‘Wow, look how pathetic they are for being with someone like that.’ So, by association, it reflects back on me.

“That’s why I tend to gravitate toward people I see as higher status—people who are even ‘better’ than me in some way. But that comes with its own problems. The moment I do that, I start feeling threatened, and that leads to conflict.

“On the other hand, if I genuinely view someone as inferior, I might tolerate them being around, but I’ll never go out of my way to spend time with them.

“This mindset has caused a lot of issues for me, especially because when we talk about narcissistic personality disorder, we tend to focus mostly on behaviors. But this—this internal calculation—is a huge part of it too.”

Trying to Understand Himself

Last month, Skidmore summarized how his brain works on TikTok, gathering 33,500 views. During the clip titled “A diagnosed narcissist rationalizes pathological thoughts in real time,” he shares his thoughts, which he calls “sometimes ridiculous.”

Giving examples, he says: “How do I love myself and hate myself at the same time. I don’t love myself, I’m just better than everyone else.”

He points out that he’s better because he doesn’t rely on anyone for anything, followed by: “Well if you need their admiration so bad, doesn’t that mean that you rely on them for your self-esteem regulation?”

“This seems exhausting,” commented one user.

Skidmore told Newsweek that life is “a little more complicated nowadays,” as he is aware of his condition.

“I know there’s a certain reality about things that doesn’t always align with my perception. But to me, it feels obvious that the world works a certain way. It feels like there are people who are better than others, and people who are less than. In my opinion—again, I know this is pathological thinking—but it just feels obvious that everyone can be ranked in terms of worth, superiority, worthlessness, etc,” he said.

“I know that’s pathological thinking, but it’s almost impossible for me to feel good about myself unless I believe I’m better than basically everyone else in my life.

“This fluctuates, though. A big issue with my condition is that it’s not just about feeling superior all the time. It swings between either feeling superior to everyone, or feeling completely worthless in a given moment. There’s very rarely a middle ground. It usually depends on how well my self-esteem is being regulated—how my life is going at the time.”

He explained that he tries to manage this in a healthier way.

He said: “I guess in short: it’s really hard for me to separate what I know cognitively—that I’m not better than anyone—from what I feel, and to some extent, from what I even need in order to survive.”

Skidmore explained that his lack of empathy sometimes helps when people need to vent.

“I am trying to use the mindset to create better behaviors,” he said. “I don’t get overwhelmed by other people’s emotions, so that makes me a good listener.”