Big Little Cult Vibes – ryan

Sirens

Exile

Season 1

Episode 1

Editor’s rating

3 Stars

Photo: Netflix

Sirens Openns on the Majestic Image of Julianne Moore, Resplendent in White Silk, Striding Barefoot Through a Forest to a Beachside Cliff. She Sets a Falcon Named Barnaby Free and Gasps with Joy as he soars into the skies – an ostensibly lovely moment, but through show’s lens, Also extramely CREEPY. Howver it all ends, Sirens is starting off on a foot of bot Recognize and Respectable as a longtime appreciative of the onscreen art of exploring White-on-Wichite-Women Violence. Let’s Fuckin ‘ head.

Smash-Cut to: A Scowling Woman Leaving a Police Station in A Black Minidress and the Teltale Thick Eyeliner of Smurant of a WoSn’t Have Her Life Together. This is devon, a Woman Struggling to Keep Herself, Her Sobriety, and Her Fractured Family Together. Meghann Fahy is admatedly my Bold type Girlie of Choice, SO it taxes approximately 30 Seconds for Her to Get Me Devon’s Side. Not Only Has Her Sister, Simone (Milly Alcock), Gone Awol, but after Hearing that Their Father, Bill Camp, Has Early-Conset Dementia, She Sent edible Arrangement of Any Material Help. The basic indignity of an edible arrangement basket, especilantly one that enormous and padded out with cantaloupe slices, cannot be overstated.

Devon and Her Black Nail Polish, Having Sent Simone Countless Fantic “Sirens!” Texts that All Went Unanswered, Can’t Believe Her Sister’s Nerve. She grabs the Melon monstrosy, tells her dad where to find his beer and stoufer’s, and hitches a Peter pan to find her sister. It ‘s stunning Display of How Powerful Petty Rage Can, and have no choice but to admire the sheer disdain of it all.

While Devon is Making Her Way Out to Simone and Giving Ferry Blowjobs (She’s Our Bad Cinderella), We Get A Better Look at the Santiized Life Simone’s Made for Herself Lately. Nor the personal assistant to Michaela (Moore), the All-Powerful Lady of the House, she prides herself on knowing that going on before it happens. She lives in “Kiki” ‘s House, Goes on Runs with Her Matching Athleises Sets, and Drafts Sexts to Her Husband. She addresses the Landscapers – who rightfully hate her ass – through a megaphone like she’s a sorority scolding prospies. The Only Thing That SEEMS Completely Hers in Michaela’s World is a Secret Relationship with Ethan (Glenn Howerton), an Older Rich Guy Spring Formalwear Includes Dotted with rubber duckies. IT’S an aesthetically pleasing life, but the second devon onto the threshold, it beComes that it is also very weird.

As Devon and Her “No Fucks Given” Phone Case Sticker Point Out, Its Hard to Consider This Life Simone’s Own We “Lives at Work” and Shares Exactly Nothing About With These People She Her Friends. Once devon manages to break out of the guesthouse simone Tries to Hide Her in and Find a sympathetic GARDENER to get her to a sae point for a smoke, she Also everye On the Compound is Beholden to Michaela’s Every Whim. They’ve all signed by and there are Areas every. No One’s Allowed to Eat Carbs on-Site, Forcing the Ravenous Grounds Crew to Sneak Bagels Behind A SHED.

Most ominous of all is what devon sees when she finally just strengths her way ino the weekend’s weekend’s event that is so desperate to keep her. Michaela’s Not JUST HOSTING SOME Fundraiser for Her Falcon Rescue. She’s President A Meeting With An Elaborate Staff and Opening Prayer from Patron Saint Rachel CarsonThats everyone – Including Simone – Dutifully recites along with her. Now, Rachel Carson a Marine Biologist and Conservationist who was especialy outspoken about the potential harm of pesticides on Wildlife and People alike. Own.

My Girl Devon Aggrees. “Oh! You’re in a cult”She Says, Sighing. The Way Fahy Delivers it, She’s Surprised Than Relived. A Cult Give Her Reason to Double Disdain for the Way Simone has abandoned her sister and her life in buffalo – which, as ethan points with some concern, isn’t. BREEZY “UPTATATE NEW YORK, IN A WESTSHESTER OR Connecticut Way ”Upbringing Simone’s Been Lightly Facoring All Along. Molly Smith Metzler’s Last Netflix Show Was MaidWhich Also Explored What Happens When the Stark Reality of Poverty the Bubble of Extreme Wealth, so there should be plenty more that came from in futures.

Nor the first of five episodes, “exile” is softly about setting up the game board and its players. Michaela, who used to be a “High-powered attorney” but now relies on a 25 -ear-op to tell her she’s prey, is the Beautiful Mystery. Devon, who fough for custody of Simone after their mother died and refuses to abandon their dad, is the fuckup who cables too. Simone, who has understandably Complex Feelings Toward the man who left her in foster care but deals with loins herself in other people, is the golden child who’d Rather not thin her past, thanks.

BetWeen Their Stark Wardrobes, Simone’s Updight Repression, and Devon’s Apparent Sex Additionion, the Sisters Couldn’t be drafow with Broader Strokes. But Fahy, Alcock, and Director Nicole Kassell Are Also Very Good at their Jobs, and SO Downright Bizarre Like Simone Chewing Michala’s Used Gum or Devon Randomly Licking a Landscaper’s Neck up Maching A Strange Sense. The scnene gure michaela polytely banishes devon from the host with a check for $ 10,000 – which is, frankly, now near enough for Elder Care, especally from apparent billionaire – Is the episode’s best, thanks to the Fahy’s and alcock’s nuanced reactions of Furious and Quiet (Respectively) Anguish.

If there were any funder dubt about who these characters are or what kind of show Sirens is trying to be, “exile” work in a blunt sexych. Devon, in a Tight Red Dress and Expert to Michaela’s Comped Hotel Room, Fucks a Stranger on a Yacht. Simone, in Pink Prissy Lingerie, Soots Duckie Blazer’s Worlds About Her Traumatic past. Michaela, Though, Waits up for Her Husband (WHO COULDN’T EAST BE BOTEED TO like Their Sext!), But he never comes. InsTead, Barnaby The Falcon – Who She Was Sure Was Ready to Fly – Comes Crashing Into Her Window, Collapsing Into a Pile of Feathers and Blood. Quelle Horreur!

And yet, it”s still not quite as horreur-ble as the moment we devon the yacht telescope to stare up at the house to see Michaela SEEMINGLY STARING STRAIGHT AT HER. She yelps in terror, and she’s right! IT’S the only reasonable Response to realizing a filthy-rich Cult Leader has her eyes trained on you-and that your sister, whom you’ll always love of her eDIBLE Arrangement Coping mechanisms, may be in waaay Over Her Pretty Little Head.

• Welcome to Sirens Recaps! Please be advised that the dress code is eather pastel-easter-agg chic or ripped Black Shreds and Absolutely Nothing in Between.

• Catiously rooting for Jordan (Trevor Salter), The Hot Guy Who Meets Devon’s “I’m Christina Gray from Seattle, i’m a Tech Millionaire” Lie with His Own. He does not the yacht they have sex in; Simone’s Boyfriend, Ethan, Does. “I JUST FUCKED MY SISTER’S BOYFRIEND’S BOAT GUY,” Devon Moans/Helpfully Underlines for Those Who Got Distraced by a Ringing Doorbell Mid-Scene. Thanks, dev!

• i’d love to be entirely thrilled to see The Other Two Sweetie seduce segarra, but SINCE and PLAYING devon’s philandary fast-food boss who only checks in her dad after she threatens with blackmail, i’ll have to reserve my judgment.

• Therefore, Property Manager José (Felix Solis) is This Episode’s Side-Character MVP, Both for HIS PERFECT to the Neck Lick (“Okay …”) and the Following Exchange: “Bills Fan?” “Yeah, Go Bills. Why? You?” “Dolphins Fan.” “Ah.” “Fuck the Chiefs?” “Fuck The Chiefs. The chiefs can get fucked! ”

• “I Feel Alive! And Also, Happiness. :)”