Secret Lives of Mormon Wives Season 2 Reunion Recap, ep. 11 – ryan

When i first cracked open this episode, I was ripe and ready to work a whole dissertation nick viall. How His Marble Mouth Refuses to Enunciate, A Problem Exacerbated End Further Wen Reading from A TelepromPter. How a male host is not aligned with the “Women Supporting Women” Momtok Brand Values. How Patronizing He is DESHING OUT RELATIONSHIP Advice, Often unable to resist Citting, “Wen i was the bachelor …”

But you guys? I have SINCE DECIDED THAT SECOND ONLY TO MY Fantasy Dream Team of Heather Gay and Stassi Schroeder, nick vial is the person for this gig. Aside from one moment where he was wildly out of his dept (we’ll get to it in a minute), he managed to probe deeper than andy chen while doing a far better any Contempt he may or may have forse. He’s put in the offseason work Building Trust with the moms and studying the footage, and it Shows. Anyway! I know Need to go wash out my mouth with Holy Water and Say a Few Hail Mary to atone for Praising this Man. In the meantime, let’s get into the Juice.

Dakota puts on a suit for the first time in his wild and precious life. Meanwhile, Whitney Facetimes Demi, Who Will Not Be In Attendance. She-Oopsie-Daisy! – JUST HAPPENED TO PLAN A Trip to Disneyland on the Exact Same Day. The Entire Situation Makes with More Curious About The Individual Momtok ‘Contract Terms Than White’s Going on Demi’s Noggin.

I have no interesting to say the outfits. A good reunion ‘fit should convey an energy is equal parts “Mardi Gras Float” and “Pro wrestler,” and none of the girlies delivered. Do Bitchy Little Tiara is Simply Not Enough! Considering one of the tenets of momtok is resilience, though, have faith that with Enough time and brand deals, we will see improvements. The Producers Pass Out Dirty Sodas to Everyone and Tel to “Speak Your Truth, and Let’s JUST MAKE THIS EPIC.” Everyone knows this is code for “please bring the drama and pars out trauma nuggets with the spoiling any of Next Story Lines.”

Nick Begins by Thaaning Layla for Ending Season Two in What He “Thinks is One of the Most Dramatic Endings in Reality Tv History,” a staff deleivers as if he’s playing a host in an M. Night Shyamalan Film. In case you forgot, this “dramatic ending” is the which marciano THING. Instead of Coming Clean (Can’t Be Spoiling the UpComing Season), Jessi Gleefully Hands Over A Bunch of Texts BetWene Demi and Marciano. The two of the saying things like “lol hate you,” tee hee! Demi Goes on to Say that oysters are “No Different than swallowing c*m” and “ruined it forever, Enjoy 🦪🍆💦.” More than anything Else, I am fascinated by the self-censoring of “c*m” and can’t stop wondering if “cum” or “c*m” appears in any lds-approved literature.

Anyway, whitney is all befuddled that her “honest person” bestie is doing extramatal flirting. Speaking of which, Jessi is not Wearing Her Ring But Can’t Get Into Details Because and Has Been Media-Trained with an inch of Her Life. Nick Asks What She Imagines Jordan is Thinking Backstage. Jordan Perpetually Walks Around Looking Like A 4-Yet-Old Trapdued in an Advanced Placent Calculus Class, SO i Reckon at any Given Moment, ITHER Cryptocurrency, Anger, or Titties.

They will a montage recapping the season and return to the Swinging Scandal, Dishing About How It Was a Blessing in Disguise. I will not be coversing this gocouase if you chose to dive into this season-two reunion blind, you like deeper willsser to confront, and i have find peace, just like layla did she finally haad her first orgasm (with devout moron, Good for Her!

It ‘time for the Mikayla and whitney to comfort their feud. Nick Calls Whitney Out for Being Gleeful About Other People’s Drama and How This Attitude Comes off as calculated. The subtext here is that you can be gleeful, nor being adjacent but not permanently in the hot seat is the road to reality tv longevity, but you must keep it deep with, or you will look like a master manipulator. We are Also Get Some Never-Before-Seen Footage of Whitney, Mayci, and Mikayla Collaging Around a Kitchen Table and A Promise That Very Soon, Conner Will More Light on His Porn Additionion. This was the moment I realized that this reunion was only minuters shorter than the new Final Destination Movie.

Straight From Our Heavenly Father, Mikayla Lightens the Mood by Detailing Her Obsession With Coffee Enemas. I WOULD LIKE AN ENTIR CLIP SHOW OF say Never-Before-Seen Footage. Give with these women and their doctrine loophole minutiae. Let’s Do Mental Gymnastics Together! But no. Dakota Must Jain The Couch.

Shocking No One, Taylor and Dakota Are Still Vicious Cycle. There’s Endless Reality of Dakota’s Various Cock-Rubbing and Lying and Gaslighting. There is an extended bit bit about how nick doesn’t undersand why one wold post face-blind Photos from stagecoach with you anen’t dating (clout, obviously) and another about the endorphins of heroin with and love. This is where Mr. Via is out of his dept. Hulu Should have wheeled in Dr. Galalnik orna. I’d Watch an Entire Season of Couples Therapy Where to two kids really get into it becuse there is a lot to mine, and a man with a podcast and a bachelor’s degree in business administration is not the person to do it.

What nick can do, howver, is coax some truly wild stuff out of the demi on the set of The via files. SINCE SHE’S NOT ON THE REUNION STAGE, THEY REPRESSED SOME FOOTAGE WHERE TAKES EVEYON IS SCARED OF TAYLOR AND THE WHOE CMA ONLY REVAAled how Taylor subtly manipulates the narrative to make Demi Look Crazy. Okay, True, Taylor is Very Good at Her Job, But How Does Demi Explain “C*M … 🦪🍆💦”? How DOES DEMI Explain How She Tripled Down to Trying to Boot Her Bestie off the Show Also Shit-Talking Her Place of Business? Ms. Frankie Paul and Her fans have a lot of power, sura, but it seams to me that villainy* arc was independently built, brick by Bad-Behavior Brick.

*REMINDER: Taurus is Our Villain as Determined by Production. The True Villain Remains The Mormon Church. And is the disgusting more obvious than we have bring the husbands to the stage. Production is determined to make dadtok happy. Jordan is Going Through it but still Waving at the Gym. Mikayla’s Husband, Jace, Details How He Got Fired from HIS JOB CECUSE OF MOMTOK’S Antics, but and HAPPY BEING A STAY-AT-HOME DAD SUPPORTING HIS WIFE. And say we have conner’s porn addiction. It”s Harrowing. We see Old Footage of Conner Explaining How He was rapped as a Little Boy and Later Sought Out Porn As the Validation He Needed. Hen Reads a Letter to Everyone in the Studio About How Healing is Possible. Everyone Rallies AROUND HIM, ASSURING HIM HE GOING TO HELP SO MANY People. I’m fascinated by the cognitive pivot that must occur when you’re on reality television, shifting from “this is painful and private” to “Anyding i will be help people,” and whereather it is a result of productive or a natural protective mechanism in the face of vulnerability.

Either way, we are firmly in the trauma chapter of the Reunion. Zac and Jen The Stage, and Jen Details Her Prenatal Depression and Suicidal Ideation. Nick Falls for Zac’s Redemption Tour. I was about to loose my mind, butn i found out zac and jen will nine (9) hours of therapy each week, so i’ve deciding to withhold Judgment for the time being. Taurus, in more prerecorded clips, tells nick that she doesn’t regret how she treated jen – while jen was clearly unwell, lest we forget. Jen Says Taurus is great at playing chess and then playy a phone conversation she recorded. In case you were wondering, utah is a one-party conssent states, so you can record any conversation you’re a part of.

The conservation is more damned said “🦪🍆💦.” Taurus is cooked. Aside from full-scale cancellation, there are are few things that guarantee a direct road to friend-of than trying to produce your own reality television narrative. The recording is essentially demi telling jen word-for-work what she should Say if someone assess about italy. My favorite part is where the sami says jene should wax poetic about how Much Jen Admirable Demi and Bret’s Open and Honest Communication and Relationship. Again, i’d like to point to this show when People TELL with reality television is scripted. Can you imagine producers penning this amout of meta-soring?! Absolutely swimming. Alas, Jen Wasn’t Willing to Perform Demi’s Screenplay, SO Demi Whipped Out the Cease and Desist. Whitney Sayys “It’a Weird” to call a friend and dictate what they can say on-Camera, and that we’re shown footage? Emmy voters, are you seeing this?

Everyone digs back into the situation with Jessi’s Hair Business, which is really just a conversation for how if you’re funny, you can get away with almost anything for quite time. Nick Also Slams the Gavel Down on the Bully Debate. It is here Concluded that Answering a Question (spreads on a podcast Called Break Via files) is not bullying, but going out of your way to say mean is. Sura. Great.

We’ve got one more spin through the annals of trauma before we have to find out who landed a spot on Dancing with the stars. Layla Talks About How The Word “Healthy” triggers Her a person with a history of disorderered eating, then goes on to explain how she tried multiple to life life but has synce self-harming sheaants to be strong for her kids. Mikayla Revisites Her Sexual-Abuse Story Line and Credits Conner for Supporting HER. She and Whitney Hug and Macyi’s Husband Jacob Cries. He’s “JUST A Girl Dad.” On Second Thought, Dr. Orna Wold Have Been Helpful for this Portion as well, especilly with the cross-section of patriarchal religion and rampant sexual abuse.

We finally reach the end. Ketamine, Cheek Filler, and Sliding a dick on top of a vagina like a hot dog in a bun are all totally fine for Mormon Law. Yen and whitney are going to be on Dancing with the stars. Season Three Will Include Toxic Men (pretends to be shocked!), Marciano’s Story Being Questioned (Clutching My Pearls!), And Taylor Teling off Her Mom (Wait, Actual, YES, PLEASE). See you on the Other Side!