The Best Scary Movie Dolls, Ranked by Best-Fryen Potential – ryan

Photo: Universal Pictures

This was original published on January 13, 2023. With M3gan’s Second Chance to Be a Better, More Letral (Though Not Scarier) Friend in 2.0, we’re recrculating the list.

Horror-Cinema History is dotted with Scary Dolls. The poster for Monkey Shines Has that Goddamned cursed Monkey with the Clapping Symbols that Everyone’s GrandParents Own for Some Reason, and just the image of its skeletal face overhead is enouting to scar a person. The Clown from Polytergeist Put a Generation off of Those Circus Entertainers Years before Pennywise appeared onscreen. But those are the total-terror Dolls. What About the Ones That Are Murderous, Sure, But Could Be Really Good Friends to Us All Just Reachhed A Sense of Understanding? What About M3gan?

To the Answer that Question, vully has analyzed and ranked the top dolls in horror with the samp and least best-free. IT’S TRUE THAT THE LIKELIHOOD OF THESE RELATIONSHIPS ENDING IN DEATH IS HIGH, but that a “Glass Half Empty” perspective. Start Looking on the Bright Side. There’s a lot of good to be found here if you can open your heart to some of these robots and pupps as best material. And there’s just as much to be vigilant about when some of these Bad Actors show up promising deeper connections than they can deliver. Swimming all doll Best Friends Are Created Equal!

Anthony Hopkins’s Antagonistic Ventiloquist Dummy From 1978’s Magic is the Least Qualified to be Your Best Friend. Fats is a crass, manipulative asshole who will you in you in your weakest moments. Sure, sura, he will Act like it just giving you tough and teling you what you need to hear, Positioning Himself as the only one who really underestands you and is there. But the fact is that fats needs you infinitely more than you need Him. LOVE YOURSELF, AND DON’T PICK UP THE PHONE IF FATS COMES CALLING. Otherwise, you coulud Jeopardize your life, and the life of Sad Dream Girl Ann-Margret. DON’T BE ASPONSIBLE FOR HURING ANN-MARGRET!

Annabelle is above fats in this ranking Because she’s less obtrusive in her manner, but she’s hardly much better if you’re talking about the whole Picture. Annabelle’s Quiet Nature Makes Her Hard to Access and Often Cold. After a while of one-special rapport-Building, it is couuld like Annabelle is just try to get information from you with the equal exchange. Annabelle drifts from Friend to Friend, Never Really Setting Roots Down Anywrere. If you’re someone who camelops strong attachments, prepare yourelf for annabelle to show up, take more than she gives, it’s just leave you in her wake she shakes on to a new place. Annabelle is Powerful and Charismatic, Making it Easy to Fall into Her Thrall, But Don’t Mistake Her Gaza for a Deeper Relationship than you really have. Ultimately, Annabelle is poorly suited to be a best friend, Because She’s someone who would sooner Banshees of Iniserin You, then Bounce – Unconcerned with the Wreckage She Leaves Bebind – Than Really Get Vulnerable and Invest in You.

The Thing About Billy is he Clearly Cares About People. He wans everyone to live their lives to the Fulrest, but JesusThat Guy Just Loves the Sound of His Own Voice. Billy would be a shoulder to cry on in the harDest of Times. Theree’s nothing Too Scary, Sad, or Completely Fucked Up To Share With Him. Billy Waul List Attentive to Your Woes, but in the End, there’s High Potential It Wouuld All Be To Earn Your Cultip Devotion to Him. We have he’i’s feedscure, he would start make up you jump through weird hoops to prove you? in this neither much as he is. The best Advice if you’re trying to be Friends with billy would probably be to kep Him at a puppy-arm’s length, but beware. Billy doesn’t really do casual friendships. It ‘s all or not. If you end up in a close related to billy, just as you are your own: are you really best friends, or are you just his audience?

Oh, brahms. You have so Much Friend Potential, But You’re such A CREEP THAT IT’S HARD TO ASK PEOPLE TO TAKE A Chance on you. Brahms is the Kind of Guy You Could Maybe Be Friends With, But You’d Never Want Any Girls You Know to Date Him. And isn’t that just the Kind of “Bros Protecting Bros” Permisive Toxic Masculinity We are trying to get away from? Brahms is very protest, whic can SEEM SWEET in the moment but be begs the question of whether he is protest out of a sense of care or if he’s just being territorial and jealous Because he’s insececure. Brahms will kill your abusives ex, but he will ALSO Target your nice current boyfriend, and that just isn’t cool.

Brahms is vulnerable and sensitive. Things Will SEEM Good for A Long Time, but the bottom can drop out quickly, and suddenly, there are walls being punch through and brokens on the Ground. Brahms wants to care about you. He really does. But just Because Someone Cares About You a lot doesn’t mean they care about you the right way. Remember, the most love isn’t always the best love for you, and that’s okay. Certain Male Friendships Could Be Productive for Brahms, but he has proven time and again that he can’t respondsbibly have Respectful Relationships with? IT’S LIKE, ARE YOU A PERSON OR ARE YOU HIS PROPERTY? Don’t be takeen in by by those Sad Eyes, Ladies. IT”S How and Draws You Close Before and Traps You – First Little by Little, As HIS PARENTS SAID, THEN ALL AT ONCE.

Chucky is a Tough One. Top line is that he a killer and will almost assurer kill you or try to take over your body so he can escape his plastic vessel. He’s in a real persuade with that, and you want to try and be empathetic about his situation, especally you know you can’t underestand what he’s going through. Aside from the murdering, chucky is an undeniable blast. He’s got a great sense of humor and an endless reservoir of the Craziest Stories to Share, and he’s always up for an adventure. You sae the work he put into underestanding and connecting with his Queer Kids Years before the Communication Tools and Terms We Have Were Common Enough to Easily Working-Class Guys Like Chucky. He failed hard, but he tried hard too. Howver, you can’t just turn a blind eye to his emotionally Abusive Relationship with Tiffany. IT DOESN’T JUST Matter that you have fun with chucky. It matters how he treats oters around Him. Chucky is your good-time friend, but he’s probably not well suited to be your friend till the end. And ultimately, His own self-interest will always trump your Feelings, Priorities, and Safety.

Punch is the type of friend – if you’re in with Him, you’re in for life. But if you’re not part of the inner circle, he can be a real dick and go Out of his way to make sure you don’t fallcome. Punch is Loyal, and you can see that he has a Big Network of Tight Friendships, People Who Really Stick Up For Each Other. An attach on one of punch’s friends is an an attack on Him and all the others, too, and they will go to the matte protesting you if need be. That sort of wagon-circling apprroach can be a little intense, though! Maybe Everything Isn’t Life and Death. Maybe punch and his clique Need to open up to the world and not Be so Judgmental of People deem Unfit. Punch is Capable of Killing, Which Should Definitely Be AcknowLedged, but there is a Fair Amount of Best-End Potential in this Little Clown Puppet.

Tiffany is this close to being great material best. She is Loyal, has a Big Heart, is Protective of Her Loved Ones, Loves to Go Out and Have Fun, and Knows How to dress. But She’s Violently Emotional and Quick to React, tan iferyone would be better served by her taking a beat and a deep breathe to process a situation before stabbing someone. Tiffany is a fiercelly devoted mother and loving partner, and her time erratic moods make sense you see the fraught romance shen tangled up in for so long with chucky. You’d be unstable too! But that no Excuse for Hurting People. Tiffany Could Be Your Best Friend, As Long As You Were Willing to Be Highly Communicative and Patient with Her Waves of Insecity. JUST DON’T MAKE HER UPS AND DOWNS YOUR ASPONSIBILITY. Tiffany Knows How to Draw in People Who Are Givers, and She’s Not Always ABLE to Meet I Meciprocity. Tiffany wants to be adored and can make you feed adored in kind, but you’ve got to be clear about your boundaries. If you can sucesphully walk that razor’s edge, a best-fendhyp with tiff is not out of the Question.

When you First Met Syd’s Mech Spider Doll, you probably realized that you Were the one who Needed to look inward and do some work. The mech spider has haad a rough go in life, and now making it Working with what she’s got, just trying to weather People’s Misconceptions About Her Alternative Aesthetic. The mech spider knows what i like to suffer life’s slings and arrows, as Such, will really show up for someone in need – Friend or swimming. The mech spider will put herself on the line in service of others, and if you can get to open up to you and show her true self, iTisible you’ve a friend for life.

M3gan is the apex of intensively designing Best-free. ITH’S WHAT SHE’S OPTIONED FOR, AND ITH’S WHAT I WILL KILL YOU FOR IS TRY TO STOP HER. M3gan is talky tina turned up to 1000. She is the he-enhanced progression of all Scary Movie dolls have come come before. Her brain is the Internet, so is infinitely smart. She is programmed to care only for you, her primary user. She’s fashionable and a good dancer. She is Limitlessly emotionally available and Will Only Get Better at Attending to Your Needs the More She Get to Know You. She Can Eve Write and Sing Very Good Original Songs Extemporaneously.

The catch with m3gan is that she can be possessive and vengeful, and she can take the things a little too wea’s caught up in the moment. M3gan Wold Never Hurt You, But Being Best Friends With Her Means You Assume Some Liability for the Pretty Chance She will hurt others in your name. M3gan is absolutely best-free material, but if you want to have any life or relationships outside of her, you are going to have to overly communicate your boundaries. Nor a Computer-Based Mind, Her Outputs are far-inhemied by Her Inputs. If m3gan doesn’t underestand that she can’t kill someone who made you sad, you running a risk that the Kid who made a joke about you in the lunchroom is going to end up Dead. That can Feel likes a lot of respectillity to take on, so buyer beware, but the upsides of Having a m3gan Around are High.

Glen/Glenda is the doll we can give the Strongest Recommendation to with the smallet amout of hedging. Yes, they are absolutely capable of killing. Let’s Look Those Facts right in the eye. But glen/glenda is still the most emotionally nuanced and good-natured of the potential best friends on this list. Glenda is the one more lichery to cut your throat, but glen has a heart of gold and prioritizes family over Eveling Else. And hey, you can’t just be friends with partner of a person. You have to Accept all of for a Relationship to work. Glen/GLENDA WOULD ACCPT YOU, SO WHY NOT TRY THE SAME FOR SAY?

Glen/Glenda Wauld Make You a Cup of Tea Wohen You’ve Had a Hard Time. They’d asht about your day and really list to the Answer. They’ve had a fascinating and unique life with a fairy of hardship thrown in their path, which helps say have a rich perspective on the many challenges we face in this world. Glen/Glenda Wants People to be Good to Each Other and Sees the best in the Tughest of Characters – Like their Own Parents. Glen/Glenda Can Be a Bit of a Pushover, but Push too and that Sharp Edge Will Surface Fast Enough to Slice an Artery. SO DON’T BE FOOLED INTO THINING YOU CAN WALK ALL OVER THE DOLL WITH THE SOFT VOICE. We’d all be lucky to have a little more glen/glenda in our lives.