A woman has received overwhelming support online after sharing her decision to refuse babysitting her husband’s children so he could attend a bachelor party.
Posting under the username u/aitahusbandskids on Reddit’s Am I The A****** forum, the 29-year-old explained her stance. Her husband, 34, has three boys—aged 11, 7, and 6—from a previous marriage, whom she described as “terrors.”
When the couple began dating four years ago, the man was upfront about not seeking a new mother for his kids, just a partner for himself.
“I like kids but I’ve never wanted any of my own. I was open to the idea of him having kids,” she wrote.
“Back when we dated, he had the kids on weekends. Things were fine with them. He never expected anything from me regarding the kids. I told him I’m not interested in babysitting, and he said he’d never ask me to. He’ll just hire his niece to babysit if he needs a babysitter.”
The post, which garnered 6,800 upvotes, described how their arrangement has changed over the past year. The children’s custody schedule shifted to a 50/50 split, alternating weekly between parents.
Compounding the situation, her husband lost his job and had to take a lower-paying one. Meanwhile, his niece—who previously handled childcare—left for college, and local babysitters proved too costly.
“The kids are terrors so babysitting does not come cheap. Husband is also now making less money. This weekend was his friend’s bachelor party. Husband is a groomsman and was expected to attend,” she explained.
“Last minute he asked me to watch the kids for the entire weekend so he can attend this event. He thought it would be no big deal, and I would definitely agree.
“I was kind of miffed that he waited to last minute to ask me. I told him that I can’t because I have to go to the gym, and I have brunch plans with my mother. And honestly, I just don’t want to.”
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She emphasized that the request wasn’t due to an emergency, but instead a party where her husband planned to drink and “ogle strippers.”
“Dan was very upset because he couldn’t go. I brought up the fact that before we got married he told me he wouldn’t expect me to watch the kids ever. He seem surprised because he thought I would’ve changed my mind. I told him I’d watch them if there was an emergency, but otherwise no,” she added.
Although she occasionally cooks for the children and takes them on outings, she stressed the importance of maintaining boundaries.
“I love Dan but I think he needs to not try to shirk his responsibility as a father. He signed up for this. Having kids means you don’t always get to do the things you want to do. AITAH?” she asked.
Expert Insight
Co-parenting coach Paige Harley said the situation is a good opportunity to clarify roles and reconnect.
She told Newsweek: “I say ‘speak to connect not correct,’ so, starting with using this as an opportunity to clarify responsibilities…and pose it to the other partner in that way.”
She advises approaching the conversation with empathy and openness, using language like: “I know you are disappointed that I didn’t respond in the way you had hoped and agreed to watch your kids this weekend. I love you and want you to feel loved and supported.. and I know you love me and want me to feel the same so let’s discuss this situation so we both know better what to do.”
Meanwhile, divorce consultant Olivia Dreizen Howell emphasized that a stepparent is not a “babysitter or built-in caregiver.”
“That boundary was set at the beginning of their relationship and her husband agreed to it. When someone enters into a blended family with those terms, they are choosing a supportive role, not a parenting one. Changing the terms without a conversation is not just unfair—it’s a breach of trust,” she explained.
Reddit Reacts
Many Redditors sided firmly with the woman.
“NTA. He waited until the last minute so there wouldn’t be time to discuss other options that would be more expensive or inconvenient for him,” one user wrote.
“Not to mention, if he is a groomsman they could have planned the bachelor weekend when he didn’t have the kids,” added another.
“He made it seem it’s urgent and thought she’d cave to the pressure. This is a whole other level of manipulation… What a toad,” said one commenter.
Others questioned the premise altogether. “Look, post topic aside, I want to know why you married a man with kids and believed this wouldn’t affect you somehow OP… Any person who says their own kids won’t affect your marriage… doesn’t have a clue what the hell they are talking about,” one wrote.
Newsweek reached out to u/aitahusbandskids for comment via Reddit. We could not verify the details of the case.
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