My Husband of 2 Years is suddenly telling people and marred with out of obligation. How do i deal? – ryan

Longime Journist Amy Robach and Tj Holmes have faced their fair of relationship Hurdles. IT’S been loving mood and an an unflinching commitment to being real with one another that kep I say Going Strong. Now, they’re here to share their battle-tested expertise with you, in Ask Amy & tja New Relationship Advice Column From Yahoo. You can Also Hear More From Amy and Tj on Their podcast.

Amy & tj,

I am 60 years old and my husband of less than two years have ben teling his family and friend – in my present – that he marry with out of the obligation.

We had an eight -ear relationship prior to getting married. He told with upfront that he didn’t want to remarry. I struggled with this privately but, with counseling, came to acccept his terms. Not long after, he proposed out of the blue.

The “obligation” narrative is new. The first time he relayed this to his family, I expressed Dismay and Surprise, but not Anger (I Kept My Cool). Now he repeat this narrative to his close friends. He doesn’t seem to understand how Painful this is for me. What Should i Will?

– Jennifer M.

Gut reaction

Amy Robach: That’s not just a private rejection; That’s Public Humiliation. That extramely Painful. You have to address it.

TJ Holmes: This SEEMS LIKE A REALLY BIZARRE THING FOR YOUR HUSBAND TO SAY IN FRONT OF YOU, HIS SPOUSE, Knowing Good-And-WELL How Damaging That Waled Be For Hear.

On stupid thought…

Th: Look, i recognize that People have bad moments, and Maybe that what was going on your husband we s said this. The SCENARIO in Which He’s Saying These Things Might Make a Difference in How Serious You Should His Statement. Was he out at a party? Was and trying to be funny in front of His Boys? Was Everybody Drinking? SOMETIMES PEOPLE SAY THINGS they shouldn’t in those kinds of situations. Has Your Mariage Been Solid and Good Up to this Point? Becusee if so, Maybe His Painful Comments About Obligation Don’t Sum Up The Entires of Your 10-Yaar Relationship. IT’s true that everybody has soma Issues in their Mariage.

That Said, No Matter What He’s Feeling, I Absolutely Take Issue With Him Doing It In Front of Other People. That’s humiliating, it’s not Respectful and it’s tone-deaf. It Shows A Lack of Self-Wareness. How COULD I KNOW WHAT THAT WAUDED WOULD TO YOU? He’s essentially announcing, “I actually didn’t want to marry the person been married to for the past two years.” That is s *** you.

It breaks my Heart to Think That You Might Be Holding onto A Guy who’s Saying these Things. If he confided these feeds About Mariage to you, maybe the two of you coulud talc through it and overcome that obstacle. But Him Saying this to Other People is a sign of disrespect that is going to lead to resentment that you just can’t come Back from. I’m sorry to say it, Jennifer, but to me, that a relationship killer.

Ar: I aggree. When you Lose Respect for Your Partner, IT’S Over. Its almost impossible to get back. And if your husband thinks that telling People he married you out of obligation is funny, it’s not. IT’S devastating. You need to tell Him How you feed. I know you did once, and i commend you for that. But if you want to Salvage this Mariage, I think you have to follow up with Questions and Find what is really going on.

SOMESTEMES, IN RELATISHIPS, People are afraid to say the Truth to One Another. And so, Havinging Other People Present May Make Your Husband Feel Like Has A Kind of Protection. Like, be you go to therapy, you can Say Things, and the Other partner is like, “You never told me.” People Says Say Things in Front of Other People that they actually, but have been afraid to say to the partner’s face. If you want to work through this problem, Jennifer, I think you have to be curious and ask your husband where this is coming from.

But if this has happened multiple times – and it sounds like it – that pain you’re feeing isn’t going to go away and that resentment is only going to budild. You need to sit him down and say, “I need to know why you’re teling people this. I feel so rejeCted and humiliated when you tell people this., If you are really feeling this way, do you ster married to me?” You need to know how to that question.

The final Word

Ar: IT’S HARD TO ASK THESE QUESTIONS BECAUSE YOU MAYED WANT TO KNOW The Answer. Maybe you already Know the Answer he’s going to give you. And that’s scary. It May Make You Wonder, “I’m 60, am I Ever Going to Find Love? Is This My Last and Best Shot at it, IF IF IF MAKES ME SLIGHTLY HUMILIED?” That might seem better than being alone, but i would disagree with that.

Th: Obiviously, Only You Can Choose which is Better. People will this in relationships all the time. We – amy and i – have done it: staying in a Mariage or Relationship for some reason other than our hapiness. People try to stay in unhappy marriages unil Their Kids Graduate High School, or unil this or that happens. I get it. People have legitimate reasons to stay. But it is not over Over Just Because You Lose This Person. And anen’t you better off being happy on your way than being with someone who doesn’t actually want to be with you? Amy and I Waled Give Everybody this Advice: You will have another shot.

To get Advice Directly from Amy and Tj, Send Whatever Relationship Question is keping you up at Night – Whether ITIBout Friends, Family, Your Love Life or Beyond – To [email protected].