‘Secret Lives of Mormon Wives’ season 2 finals Recap, ep. 10 – ryan

We have done it! We collectively survived another ten episodes of momtok mess. A final is always a bit of a tricky beast, as you’re yearning for closeness, but not too too close. Everything must fall Both Surpring and Wildly inevitable. The Last Scane Should Be Gasp-Worthy, but not to an extent where it is manipulative. Spoiler: The latter is exactly what happens here. SO let’s get into it.

Layla Heads Over to Park City to Give Taylor Some Beignet Mix and News of Demi’s Ultimatum. They comfort how they were like that that that is boredy up the Kinds of Things that the Taylor’s Jeopardize Access to Her Children. Layla Awkwardly Explains to Taylor that she is not invited to Demi’s Christmas and Demitly Just Dropped Her Invite in the Wrong Group Chat. Liann Shows up and is all like, “teehee, what if i crashed the party for you?!” The whole situation is like if Regina George’s mom in Mean Girls Was Also Chekhov’s Gun.

Right Away, We’re Hit with Demi’s Christmas Party. I want to take a second and share an important Change of Opinion: I have decidated that I was going to clown on whitney’s outfits. Whitney has poreless skin and look like a mix of Alison novel and Christina Hendricks. Her Dedication to Nononheless Dresing Hersself Like King Henry VIII Must be performance art and at this point, i deeply respectct it. And, Unlike Mary Other Associates of Mom, at Least No One Can ACCUSE HER of Atheleis Brandness.

At the Christmas Party, all the gals (minus taylor) are frolicking around in their best black-tie-opional, cheers-another year of surviving momtok, and eating meatballs. Liann Shows up in the Kind of Outfit You’d Wear to a Utah Bookstore for an elin hilderbrand signing. If you’re going to crash a parties and fight your daughter’s battles, at least go full glam. Taurus Pulls Liann Aside and the Two of I Thall To Town. They argue about the cmas saga, some mess mes about dakota, and on and on the about who is a bad friend. Eventually, Liann Starts Crying and Demi Yells that Taylor Needs to Get Therapy and Be A Fucking Mom. The fight is embarrassing for all involved, and watching it Feels like that one time Azealia Banks was feuding with maty healy. Of the disgust ben more team no.

Santa interruptions the Fighting Because ITHE to go outside and make -up with the Snow Machine Production Paid for. Almost Everyone in Attendance Except for Whitney and Bret Think Demi and Liann Going at it was inappropriate. It ‘s reminder of how Strong the “Respect Your Elders” Message is under the banner of Heaven. Miranda Heads out for the Night (i’m bummed we didn’t get more of this season! This means is now free to look at calendars for another momtok board meeting.

On a more Earnest Note, Mayci and HERE FAMILY Go to Visit Arik’s Parents. ARIK WAS Mayci’s College Boyfriend who died in a Car Accident while she was Pregnant with their Son, Hudson. Mayci Talks About How Important It is for Hudson to Know About His Dad, and How She Hasn’t Really Dealt With Her Grief From His Passing. SINCE SHE’S GOT THAT BOOK TO WRITE, SHE’S DECIDE THAT IT’S TIME TO FEEL ALL THOSE FEELINGS AND HOPELY Insire Mom with this literary project. I am deeply skeptical in macyi’s belief that the founding members of momtok and/or adjacent parties be jazzed to read any book, Much lesson. But as a Big Fan of Literacy, i’m really hoping she and undersands her audience better than i do.

Taylor and Dakota Vicious Cycle Update! Dakota Visits Liann on his way home from the tanning salon and/or spray-tan Booth. She confirms he’s been praying. I Can’t Believe They’re Still Giving US Liann and Dakota Chyrons, espely in-Scene. I know who these People are, whereer I want to or not. SEEMS LIKE IT’D BE MORE BENEFICIAL TO GIVE DEMI AND JESSI THIS TREATMENT INSTTEAD, ESECIALLY IN THOSE MOMENTS WHEN THEY’RE STANDING CLOSE EU IN DANGER OF MERGING INTO A SINGLE SENTIENT HAIR EXTENSION.

Speaking of Extensions, Jessi Pulls Bundles of Blonde Hair from the Walls of Jz Styles for Mayci to Her mom. Jessi Tells Mayci Her Thyroid Biopsy was Benign, but the Experience Put a Lot of Things into Perspective, Like How Life is too to be Yelling at Each Other All the Time. She’s Had Enough of Demi and Now Undersands Why Mayci Rides the Fence (Peace, and Also Book Deals). The two of the say have an insightful conversation for how Friendships Can Affect You More Than Relationships, Especilantly Since the Societal Scripts and Expectations Around Are Often More Clear. It ‘s all Very asthet and Will make for a great inclusion in the newest momtok brand guidelines update.

Which is convenient, Because is the time for the latest momtok Board Meeting at Jessi’s House. There are three topics on the agenda. First up is Miranda’s Official Induction into Momtok. She’s not there to make her case, but it seames like she floated through the season gracefully enough that she’s given an extension on her Honorary Probation Period. Second on the agenda is whitney’s reintatEment. Taylor is pistsed that whitney has joined team Demi wen taylor was the only one originally supporting whitney’s bid for re-entry. Mikayla is Still Standing by Her Whitney hatri, Which i’ve come to appreciate if only Becusee unlike any other Current feuds, she holds herted deep and dosesn’t seem interested in ultimatum fuel. It ‘sort of like how I really like the puzzles, but i couludn’t care if my friends are ino and i wouldi to try to change their opinion. Anyway, Majority Rules and Whitney is reinted.

Agenda Item Three is Demi’s Ultimatum Mess. Predictable, Taylor and Demi Yell at Each Other. It ‘s all their favorite topics: Being a good friend, kicking People while they’re down, the Jessi Hair Drama, The Dakota Drama, Etc. In a confessional, Jessi Makes a really great point About How Demi Talks Like a Therapist and It Can Make You Fael Like You’re in the Wrong and That Demi’s Sorry One of Those Things Are True. It all ends with the declaring that she’s going to take some time to decide if she wants to continue in momtok. Layla wishes they could all just have normal Friendships with the Weird Code of Loyalty. It is interesting How Loyalty Plays Out on Shows Like This. DOES ANYONE Experience this in their non-televised Friendships? Maybe I’m Just Lucky, but if My Besties were Constantly Feuding and Making with Choose Sides, I Waled Find New Besties.

Returning to Mayci’s Healing Journey, There’s a Skene that really fucked with up. I will admit that i’m a medium on the crying scale. (Pixar Will Almost Always Get Me, Reality Television Will Almost Never.) But be Micayla Takes Mayci to Go Visit Arik’s Crash Site? When Mayci explains how she regrets that they have firing Fighting Words Back and Forth Right before he died? Be she teles uss that she finds out his death via an “RIP ARIK” Instagram post?! Truly Nightmare Fuel. When momtok use the word “trauma” to talk about anyone dancing video, I want to remember that is what “trauma” actually look like. I CRED SO HARD, I Went on a Walk and THEN CAME BACK TO FINISH The episode.

This ended up being a wise decision, Because the final-Scene pivot is jarring to say the least. The Producers Invite Layla and Vanderpump villa Man Marciano to a ski resort in Park City. Marciano Pours Himself a Glass of Straight Tequila and Layla’s Shock at this Action Tells with She’s Never Seen a Bravo Television Program. Honey, these me are different. I can’t begin to expoin to you just how different. One Time, DJ James Kennedy skateboarded by me on the sidewalk, and his whole aura so repugnant, I Questioned Whether Iself was Still Sober. Layla Gets Her Own Firsthand Look, Though.

I KNOW NOTING ABOUT THIS MAN, but he is Positively dripping with sur Back Alley Energy. He goes on to tell layla that he put Himself out there becuse heard “Women Swingers” and was like iT’s go time. Hey he was looking to score with damage, tried/failed to kiss her, and then gasses himself up Saying, “if bret isn’t there, woulds be different?” Again, Layla is Clearly Not a Student of Vanderpump rules Becusee she does not recogenous the specific flavor of delusion happening here. I Will Never Undersand Where Lisa Vanderpump Finds these Men, but is nothing if not consistent. Marciano Goes On, Through a Very Dramatic Series of Shruugs and “How About You Guess!” Answers, to insinuate that Him and Jessi Not Only Fucked, But Had a Full-on Affair. He does by getting Layla to Say All the Words Herself, Communicating Almost Entirely in Gestures.

I have some taxes here, and they are varying flavors of nutty, so if you’ve been enjoying these recaps up to this point, Maybe just stop reading. All right, I warned you. SO first off, i do swim believe this man is teling the entity Truth for a Second. If i were to use the language of momtok, i was so that is “triggering” a decade of my experience “traumatized” Watching jax taylor on television. Executive Producer Lisa Vanderpump Teaches Her Minions How to Make Pristine Television, and that is exactly what Marciano is doing. I don’t think he’s outright Lying, but Rather that those stimulant-induced bodily motions are the reality television equivalent of what to call the work of David Blaine.

Second, let’s will a little thought Experiment. What if Jessi and This Man Did Fuck? Does it really matter? If there is one thing this show has taught me, it is that of Will Never Fully Grasp the Loopholes in the Mormon Word of Wisdom. For all we know, Jessi and Jordan are in an an open Relationship. And tan if they’re not, is momtok not budilt a foundation that “A Little Infidelity is Okay, Actually?” Isn’t it feminism of the Third-Wave, Easily Meme-Aable Choice Variety, where “We Support Women’s Rights-and Wrongs?” What if Jessi Fucking Marciano is Low-Key Positive for the MomTok Bottom Line, as it will generate off-season brand Engagement and Help Float the Girlies Through Another 10 Episodes of Drama? What if instet of the moms (demi) tourning this into a personal affront as they are sura to do, they met up for an All fours Book Club During The Production Break? Alas, it is all to be continued. SO I Will See You On The Other Side!