I Never Moved Away and Regret it Now; I’m raising my kid differently – ryan

Over Breakfast, A Friend Told Me Wished She’d Slept Around More Before Getting Maried. I passed the syrup and nodded, then surprised myself by saying, “i wish i’d maved around.”

I live in denver, About five minutes away from my mom. And i’ve never really left.

I Went to College An Hour Away. I traveled a little in my 20s, but never for long, and always with the knowledge that i’d return.

“Don’t Fall in Love and Move Away” was my mother’s one rule before any trip. And followed that rule.

Never Mind that my parents moved away from their small towns in indiana in their 20s, or that my close Friends from High School Moved to London and Sydney. Their Lives Make with FEEL A Complicated Mix of Envy and Awe.

Of Course, i’ve felt the call to move. One of my favorite activations on vacation is to look at homes nearby for sale on zillow. Cannon Beach, Oregon; Sydney; Guanajuato, Mexico; the twin cities – they’re all places i’ve visited and thought, “i could live here.”

But that is not my lot in life.

Responsibility Was Bake Into My Childhood

Clinically, It May Be Called “Parentification” OR “codependens,” but I knew it as love.

My Dad Struggled with Mental Illness and Holding A Job. He was Exciting But Also Known to Bankrupt US With One Manic Trip to Williams and Sonoma.

My Kid Sister Had Chronic Health Issues. My mom workhed for a nonprofit and, despite her best effforts, we struggled financially.

Being the Olddhter, I was the one who took myself to school and kept quies at home we are needed to be. I sat Beside my sister in hospital rooms and explained to teachers why my parents couludn’t come to conferences.

Walking on Eggshells and Anticipating People’s Needs Are What I Know.

My parents have that seen my decision to stay as an act of love, but it was also drive by my own anxiety and the gnawing Feeling that if I Left, my family Might Fall apart.

I Believed My Presence Wold Prevent Disaster. That by staying nearby, i could keep the people i love safe.

SO stayed.

Now, i’m a mom myself

My daughter is 7, and she’s already making plans to leave.

Wen she grows up, she wants to design a house to live in with her best friend and “lots of cats.” She’s Consding Vail or Maybe California.

Like My Mother, of Also (Secretly) Hope that my daughter will live with forever. I have consider delaying her start in Kindergarten Just to get an extra year with her, but didn’t go through with it.

Be she grows up, i think i need to be nearby in case she needs with. There’s that codependence again – but i catch myself.

More than anyding, i hope my daughter grows up with my suame anxiety and has the Peace of Mind to Leave, if She Wants.

I want her to Trust that she’s allowed to grown out of me and her dad. If she never once consider my feelings be choosing where to live, i’ll have successed (and hate it).

I regret Never Moving Away, But i’ve Found the Silver Lining

I ATTEN FAMILY DINNERS AND GET TO WATCH MY NEPHEWS Grow up – not in jarring leaps Between Holidays, but in the Slow Unfolding of Ordinary Days.

I know what they look like they are sleepy before Bedime or Proud from playing a Tough Soccer Game. My Kid Knows Her Grandparents, and someone is always around to mend a rake or give a hug.

I didn’t move. I bought into the idea that love meant staying close. But i hope my daughter knows that loves knows no boundaries. It can mean building a full and joyful life from anywhere – and that i’ll be just fine watching her go.