To the Honeymooners Sitting in Row F – ryan

Honeymooners sit next to my son on the airplane today. They are smitten in love. Married only last night, they are jet-setting to Maui. We chat about how their wedding went and how they’re building their first home out of an abandoned country bar.

We are headed to the same Hawaiian destination, but my husband and I have three kids in tow. Secretly, I am a little nervous how this flight will go. If the baby will get fussy or the older two kids irritable. Or if my husband and I will get stressed and bicker over ridiculous things. Last month, we celebrated 14 years of marriage. We’ve never stopped fighting for this thing we call union even when it felt easier to quit than persevere.

I want to lean over and tell that sweet couple they’re gonna be okay even when everything is not. They don’t know it yet, riding on the coattails of harmony, but hard days are bound to follow. They do in every marriage, albeit in varying degrees. Here’s what I want them to know most: their marriage will be worth fighting for.

Because it comes with inside jokes and a built-in friend. Someone who endures the hard alongside you. Who picks the lice out of your hair when the kids bring it home from the gym and buttons your pants when you break your shoulder.

It’s someone to bounce ideas off and get opinions from. To have late-night dance parties with. To sneak ice cream and binge-watch shows when the kids finally fall asleep.

If I could tell them anything it’s that some things aren’t worth the argument. It gets old fast, holding your ground over toothbrushes and toilet lids and laundry piled up on chairs.

Fight for your values, let the other stuff go. And for goodness sake, learn to fight fair. To give each other space when things get tense. Go on a walk or a drive to clear your head. Let the sun go down on your anger sometimes—morning brings fresh perspective.

Don’t name-call. Or harp on them in front of your friends. Or on social media. Your spouse will never be perfect, but then again, neither are you. You might not know that yet, but you will soon.

Hug each other randomly. Tell them how proud you are of who they are becoming. Kiss them, especially in front of the kids. If you don’t end up with kids, then in front of the dog. Or strangers at the store.

Put your cell phones down at dinner. Or heck, any time your spouse has something to tell you. Send texts that don’t always look like to-do lists.

Oh, and those values you have? Put them through the colander and strain them. What is left should be good and holy. Let the rest drain away.

But I don’t say any of these things to the honeymooners in row F. Instead, I smile and wish them a blessed marriage.