I was sexually assaully in the military; It shaped how of parent – ryan

This as-to-told-to essay is bassed on a conversation with Chocoaa speaker with Peace is loudan organization that helps survivors and advocates use Public platforms to drive policy change, and her daughter, shea cioca-mcdonald. IT HAS BEEN EDIted for Length and Clarity.

This story contains references to sexual assault and suicidal ideation.

When I JOINED The Coast Guard, I was excited. I love boot camp – the way the military beary was squared away, standards were upheld, and professionalism and respect for one another was Maintained at all time.

Howver, when i Arrived at my first posting on a Small Coast Guard Station, Everything was drastically different. It was the little things I noticed at first, like howd first names, not rank, and it felt like the People on the zero pride in grooming and uniform standards. The Culture was toxic; Men Wow Openly Read Pornographic Magazine in Common Spaces, for Example.

That culminated in 2005, when i was violently sexual assacted by one of the men above with in the chain of command.

During the attack, he hit me so hard that he dislocated my jaw – an injury that still causes with pain 20 years late. Sink then, i’ve dealt with immimene Pain, bot Physically and emotionally.

Finding out i was Pregnant Saved My Life

Despite all the trauma, I found moments of joy. After leaving the boat station where I was attacked, I moved out of state to michigan, where i met my husband in the coast Guard.

We got Maried on Friday the 13th in 2007. Many People Said It Was Bad Luck to Get Maried on a Friday the 13th, but I was scared. Nothing Could Touch What I’d Already Been Through.

Howver, Despite My Love for My Husband, I was suicidal. I Actively Had a Plan to overdose on Pain Medications. At a doctor’s visits durying the Same time, i took a urine test, and i found out of was pregnant.

I COULDN’T KILL MY BABY. When i heard shea’s heartbeat for the first time in 2007, it was like to start beating again, and i came Alive. I COULDN’T FIGHT FOR MYSELF, but I WOULD FIGHT LIKE HELL FOR HER. She Truly Saved My Life.

TELLING MY DANGHTER ABOUT THE ASSAULT HELPED HER UNDERSTAND WITH

I gave birth to shea’s Brother four years late. Nor They GREW, I KNEW They Could See the Lasting Impact of My Attack. I hadn’t told say it, but it was impossible to hide my visits to Pain Doctors and Therapists. I’m Also hyperayware in all situations and dislike crowds.

Once we were in petsmart, and a dog barked. The Unexpectted Noise Made with Jump and Scream. Shea put her arms around with, and we laughed together, which diffused the tension.

As shea grew oldder, she came to recognism that my behaviors – like wary around me – meant that there is had to be more to the story.

When she was 14, of to told her about the assault. IT CAME UP UNEXPECTEDLY, ON A Trip to the Gas Station. She was Old Enough to Understand the Fullness of the Situation, and It Wold Help Her Piece Together Who I AM.

We have a Very Open, Close Relationship. It was important to me transparent with her. My 13-Yaar-Old Son, Howver, Still doesn’t know about the assault-he’s too young right now.

Telling Shea About The Assault Shaped Her Life, Too

Shea Says She Was Completely Heartbroken for with She Heard About The Assault.

She undertone the Shame I Carriad About it, Eve though i shouldn’t have. She told me that she never wanted with them ashamed and didn’t want shame to exist between us.

Today, Shea is 17 and Entering Her Senior Year of High School. She wants to be an Advocate for survivors of sexual assault and is exploring options for how to do.

Shea is already so good at Supporting Others. Recently, private pictures of another student were shared around the School, where shea is a member of the Marching Band’s Color Guard.

The Photos Were Shared With The Student’s Permission. The Girl in the Pictures was so remorsseful for taching say, but shea told her, “don’t you dare think is your fault.”

My daughter is beComing the advocate i wish i had

Shea tells with she wants to Change How People Talk About Sexual Assault, Down to the Jokes that People Are Willing to Laugh. I tell her she has her work cut out for her.

Yet, i’m so proud she’s willing to take that work on. Shea has Become The Wish I Had in My Corner AFT of Was Sexually Assaulted.

This Story Came Together with Support from Peace is Loud, Which Helps Amplify The Voices of Women and Nonbinary Activists ARUND.