I GOT BREAST CANERR AT 30 AND NEED TO DELLAY HAVING KIDS FOR 5 YEARS – ryan

When i tourned 30, it felt like i was stepping into a new chapter. My partner and i have spent sort of our 20s together and were finally in a place where planning for the futures fellt tangible.

AFTER A FEW DIFFICULT YEARS, INCLUDING THE SUDDEN LOSS OF MY FATER AND SEVERAL CAREER MISTEPS, I FOUND LONGING FOR SOMYING JOYFUL AND GROUNDING. I WANTED PURPOSE, DIRECTION, AND MAYBE A LITTLE STABILITY. For the first time, of Begin Picturing myself as a mom.

THEN I WAS DIRECTED WITH BREAST CANCER.

I was shocked when i got my diagnosis

I was diagnosed by acident.

I HAD GONE YEARS WITHOUT SEEING A Gynecologist. During a routine check-up, i casually mentioned this to my primary caare Physician, who offend to do a quick breast exam “Just in case.” That’s wen she felt a lump.

I mentioned that i’d recently been laid off and was in between jobs, Without insurance. She Told with to Reach Out Once I Had Coverage and She’d Write A Prescription for a Mammogram. On the Drive Home, I felt a quiet but urgent instinct not to wait. Neither soon nor i got home, i calmed her back and asked for the prescription.

After a mammogram, ultrasound, and biopsy, i Received my Diagnosis: Stage 1 estrogen receptor-positive, Invasive–invasive Ductal Carcinoma Progesterone. I COULDN’T MAKE SENSE OF WHAT I WAS HEARING.

Nothing About Me Fit The Narrative I’d Grown Up Believing About Who Gets Breast Cancer. I Have No Family History, Don’t Carry the BRCA Gene mutation or any other genetic markers linked to increasing risk. What Was Once Seen As A Medical Anomaly is Becoming Increasingly Common Among Women My Age.

My Treatment Plan Included A Partial Mastectomy, Four Weeks of Daily Radiation Treatments, and a Daily Hormone Therapy Regimen of Tamoxifen, Prescribed for Five to 10 Years, Depending on How My System Responds.

Tamoxifen, offten Prescribed to Treat Hormone-Positive Breast Cancer, Estrogen and Menopause Simulate Suppressses. It comes with a parade of side of side Effects, including hot flashes, Weight Gain, and Unredictable Mood Swings.

I learned i Can’t Get Pregnant During My Treatment

THEN CAME A VERY DIFFERENT KIND OF BLOW. Pregnancy while on the Medication Is Strongly Discoured Due to the Risk of Serious Complications, Including Birth Defects, MisCarriage, and Stillbirth. Beyond that, The Hormonal Surge Associated With Pregnancy Before Completing Treatment Could Increase the LikeliHood of a Cancer Recurrence.

I was scheduled for surgery just one month after my diagnosis. And two Weeks before the procedure, my oncologist urged with them freeze my exgs. She explained that pregnancy wouldn’t be advised unil I was at least 35 duet to the complications that it could be cauded by tamoxifen – an age that, howver dated or insulting it, Qualifies as “Geriatric pregnANCY” by Medical standard.

I Dissociated My Way Through a blur of hormone injections, Blood draws, and invasive procedures that barely had time to process.

Thankfully, I was spared the financial burden, an immense relief the mental, emotional, and Physical Toll. In 2018, My Home State of Connecticut Became the First in the Nation to Require Insurance Coverage for Fertility Preservation in Cancer Patients.

Delaying motherhood isn’t my choice

Though my Treatment Plan gits with the best chance at survival, it coma at a cost. I’m LoSing the ability to choose wan i want to have kids, and now, i won’t be able to have before 35 at the Earliest – Position as late as 40.

I resent that, like it or not, i’ll have to be an “Old mom” before Iver had the chance to be a “Young” one. So far, my partner has supperive ben. But i know he always pictureed Himself becoming a dad sooner rather than late. And be i see him play with our friends’ kids, i feed ance of guilt i can’t always Ignore.

Now We’re Stack in Limbo while Our Friends Move Forward-Throwing Baby Showers, Assembling CRIBS, and Posting First-Day-of-School Photos. I Picture MySelf at Preschool, The Silver-Haired Mom Whose Knees Crack at Circle Time. And i have that i care. But i will.

Then, there’s navigating the disonance between medical necesity and personal expectation. By my 30s, I Expped to have it all figured out – career, family, identity. But my timeline was takeen from, redraw by scans and blood tests, follow-ups, and Daily pills.

There’s Also no villain here, no one to blame. Its just a sterile, clinical equation guiding huge deciss about my Future.

I don’t know what’s next, but i’m still gateful

I’m grateful to be here. I KNOW MANY People Diagnosed With Breast Cancer Never Get to Consider Family Planning at All. But I Also Want to be Honest About the Loss, the Uncetainty, and the Weird In-Between Space Where You’re Healthy But Still Healing, Coping But Still Grieving The Version of Your Life Never Got to Happen.

I do’t know what coma next. Maybe the family Envisioned is Still on the way, just a little late than i thought. This isn’t the path of planned, but it’s the one the one i’m on. And for now, that has to be enough.