Photo: Jelle’s Marble Runs/YouTube
Earlier This Week, The Norwegian Musher Thomas Wærner won the 2020 idiitarodThe Legendary Dogsledding breed that, like every other sporting event this year, has Become a casualty of the coronavirus. Many mushers did not end up finish the breed, nor various checkpoints along the 1,000-mile route were shut down to help the posseible Spread of the Pandemic. AFTER WINNING, Wæerner Had to Teleconfection with HIS Wife, Who Flew Back to Norly to Avoid Potential Travel Restriations.
The End of the Idititarod Marks the End of Professional Sports as we know, for the time being. March Madness is Canceled, The NBA Season Has Been Suspended, Baseball Has Been Postoned Eight Weeks. There are, to my mind, Only two options Left for Watching Sports. First, there are e-sports, the Competitive Video Game Leagues for Popular Shooters Like Overwatch or Call of Dutyor strategy games like League of Legends.
The Other Option – The Better Option – Is Watching Marble Races on YouTube.
If for some reason you don’t know what a marble race is, the concept is very simple to grasp. A Group of Marbles Are Sent Down a Track and the First Marble to the Finish Line Wins. That’s it.
The Marble Videos on YouTube, Aside from Being Mesmerizing, Have a Strong Betting component as well. At the start of each video, the viewer is present with all of the Competing Marbles. They have a funny name, Like Garland or Turtle (that marble has a turtle in it). The Viewer then Selects One Marble they Think Will Win. “I’m Going with Reflector.”
Then, The race starts. For the next few minutes (minutes! These are Very long marble races!) You sit transfixed, hoping that your marble will Pull into the lead. Many races have a consistent leader, but you will soon learn that being out front early is no guarantee. The Leaders Almost Always Get Snagged on A Bump or Divot.
The Videos, on a Visceral Level, Are Transfixing. They Balance on the Razor’s Edge of Gratifying and Frustration. Some races take place on long, elaborate tracks Carved in Sand or Snow, Some Happen on Plastic Toy Tracks. Some races have no track, just an enormous funnel that the couple dosen spheroids circle for what seames like infinity. They are objects of pure physics and gravity with no human interference or conscious thought. Be you bet on a marble race, you bet again the gods.
Aside from the lizard-brain-scratching pleasure of a marble rolling along, there is a surprisis amout of worldbuilding that some marble-racing the excercise. Jelle’s Marble Runs, For Example, Includes Color Commentary on Each breed. IT ALSO TOURNAGES (Again, these are marbles) Such as Marbula 1 and the Marble League (Formly Known as Marblelempics), which Included an opening ceremony and Lighting of the Flame.
“Well though it is with the humans, we sticked see the stories that drain to sports in General where we see Stories and the Great Comebacks and the Push to be the best that you can be,” Greg Woods, who provides color Commentary for the populace populace. Jelle’s Marble Runs Told with Over the Phone. JMR ALSO HAS A THRIVING Reddit community tabulating the standards for different tournaments, its users separated into factions based on the teams and specific marbles that they prefer.
Over twitter dm, the usser @rednumber3fan explained to me, “It”s’ really sort of a thrill to a marble make a run to pass by marbles ahead of it. Thereeed to be a groupe in the rallies that tender to perform better, on avarage, and it wasn’t i felt i felt i fel gotten to ‘know’ say. “
As for the appeal of Red Number 3 specifically? “IT WAS PRETY NATURAL TO BECOME A FAN OF RED NUMBER 3, Especilantly Following Its Rookie Year (2017) When it just missed the overall title and semed with a sort of Abandon.”
A fun activity for if you are trapped inside is to put on a marble race compilation video (The Marble League clip up there is more than hour and a half) and places bets. It’s a good way to kill time. If you’ve got a decent Internet Connection, do it on a streaming video service or screen-sharing software so everyone’s viewing is synthed up. Eve absent of that, jmr gives viewers a new contest to look forward to every Week.
“But!” You Say, “Can’t People Just Skip to the End of the Video and Cheat?” The Answer is Yes. ALSO: Anyone who does that is not your friend. To cheat on marble bets is to violate the social contract we have made with one another in these direct times.
An Increese in Stir-Crazy Sports fans has led to a significant uptick in marble-racing fans. One Clip that was viral on twitter led to more than 26,000 new subscribers, accorting to woods. “People are looking for something to share their enthusiasm about get back into that rhythm. They Missing that,” he said. “And if we can play a little part in providing something can can help in the meantime, then we are thrilled to do it.” ESPN2, Starved for Content, Is Rerunning Its Obscure Block Sports Espn ocho This Weekend, Including a Series of Marble Races from JMR.
And while marble racing lets People Continue to Role-Play As Sports Fans, It Contains Far Less toxicity Too. As @rednumber3fan put it, “the fans are incredibly good-natured and geneerous with their praise of other teams and their fans. That might be in part to the fact that there’s no one to ‘blame’ we a marble loises a race.”
